WHY SHIT HAPPENS…

“He said that life boils down to standing in line to get shit dropped on your head. Everyone's got a place in the queue, you can't get out of it, and just when you start to congratulate yourself on surviving your dose of shit, you discover that the line is actually circular.” 

― Scott Lynch, The Republic of Thieves

Loves,

Shit happens. A Lot. Sometimes too much. But the attitude to actually put it in this context of ‘Oh well, shit happens’, is what will help you through it mostly.

Everyone who reads my blog knows I was forced to resign from my job in August 2014, lost my house, had to sell some of my stuff, moved back home for a couple of months, lost myself and moved 500 miles away to ‘start again’ all in the name of a boy and his promises. They also know I have a somewhat serious and expensive auto-immune illness that sometimes tries to control my life but I’m no bitch to anything let alone an illness :D  *I’m so pumped I used Vulgar language just now* , I’ve also worked different jobs here and there to survive and get my medical bills paid, most of which I ended up not getting my due diligence. I’ve been assaulted, used and abused in ways that would make you cringe. What you may not know is that sometime last year I received an auction letter.

I KNOW! SHIT HAPPENS.

Now, for about a year and change, I sat and pouted and asked why. I lingered in the reasons why it had to happen. Most of my family said I must’ve done something to wrong God (Mind you I was celibate), others said my undoing was my own doing. I thank God for these people btw because they gave me drive like I hadn’t had before. I was now a girl on a mission! Prove each and every one wrong. I need to mention for one that God doesn’t work like that. God isn’t mediocre and he will never lead you where his grace will not reach. I should also mention that what he begun, he sustains. No doubt.

To sum it up, I pretty much know the meaning of shit happens!

And then this January, I learnt total surrender. I let it go. I mean, whatever happens, happens. My Lord! I felt light. I felt so good, still do. Life is nobody’s grandmother is what I say. Life is going to happen with or without you, with or without your wanting it to, with or without your protests and angry revulsions. Don’t however mistake total surrender for ‘I don’t care anymore’. Because I do care, a lot. Now, when I’m in a storm, instead of screaming at the skies and jumping ship, I simply put my swimming skills to the test. I go with it instead of fighting it out. Too much energy is wasted in fighting storms yet most of the time, that storm changes your course to the place where you actually needed to go, a much safer haven than where you were sailing to.

Case and Point: MOANA! *grins like an idiot*

Shit happening is part of life. And sometimes just when you think you’re out of it, a larger shit load lands on your head. What then do you do?

Take comfort in this fact: it will all make sense. Perspective is indeed priceless. Like a wise 23 year old me once wrote, life is made up of dots and discipline is the string that connects these dots but to do this, you must patiently allow for process and also trust in the process. The process is there for a reason, you may not like the process but trust in the knowledge that with time, it will all add up.

Side Note: Since letting go, things are much much MUCH more looking up and are way better in my professional life, business, social life, love life and family, basically all round. MAJOR NEWS in two weeks BTW.

Much Love,

Nyandia.

REMEMBER THE ROUGH TIMES

Loves,

Remember when a bunch of them said everything that was happening to you was self inflicted? When you couldn’t face any humans for the fear of being asked where you had been and what you had been upto. When you couldn’t upload anything on social media because everyone else’s seemed better and more colorful: better food, better venues, better company, better gadgets, better family and friends, better everything. Remember that?

Please Remember.

Remember when they said you feigned sickness and reported you to HR? When you even got hospitalized but they claimed Munchausen? When you would spend all your money in days on medicine and couldn’t afford those office lunches and they jeered behind your back? Remember when you were the financial backbone of your family and you would use all your salary within the first week of the month and go without for the rest of the month? Remember having bread and black tea as dinner for days at a time?

Please Remember.

Remember when they all left? When you no longer could afford to pay for their meals and drinks and they were no longer interested in your company? When even your parents gossiped you to the other siblings? When the family was ashamed of you and couldn’t even notify you of ‘get togethers’ because it was too much shame for them?

Please Remember.

Remember when they claimed not to know you? When they all turned their backs on you? When they threw your CV in the nearest dustbin? Remember they had to check their calendars to fit you in? Remember?

Please Remember.

Then also remember when you learnt how to dance in the rain. Remember how being broken made you strong. Remember how now your friendship garden was easily weeded and your friendship circle made sacred once more. How wise you now are due to those times of foolishness. How empathetic you now are towards those going through rough times.

Please Remember.

Do well to remember how crouching led to you running. How heavy lifting made you beautifully toned in mind, body and soul. Remember you have lasted this long due to your tough nature. That the King always sends his strongest to fight at the front.  How your doubt led into unbreakable Faith. How God renewed every part of your being through the hard times.

Please remember how diamonds are made; through intense heat and pressures, they are transformed from mere rock.

Remember how fire purified the sacrifice.

Most importantly, remember that the teacher is always silent during the test.

Yours,

Nyandia.