Dear Diary,
It has been
a while. I have neglected you: Not because of much but because I lacked the
words to explain a lot of what was and still is happening to me and A LOT has
changed since we last spoke. For Instance, I lost my best friend. Turns out
people do change, especially when things and circumstances aren’t in their
favor at all. I got myself into a situation which I’m still struggling with and
my former bestie did all in their favor and power to use this situation in
their favor.
I wish I could
divulge in detail, I really wish I could. But I think I’ll soon be seeing a
shrink. This past month has seen me experience life through so many eyes: Of
the so called righteous, of the godly, of the hurt, of the know-it-alls, of the
victim, of the fake friends. I have seen betrayal like I have never before, I have
known hurt like almost never before, I have known fear like never before. I
have been mentally, psychologically, emotionally and physically abused and
there’s not much I can do about it. One day, the great reveal shall unveil.
As you
probably, may or may not know, I got a new job: just a short term contract to
keep me busy as I get some capital to drive my newly-registered company (which I
no longer am sure of being an co-owner
as the ex-bff claimed and threatened to take everything I had since we are
co-owners) man! Too much drama. I am currently dealing with people who I can’t
understand in any way, I’m always anxious and in fear of consequences to anything.
In this case, the consequences are verbal and physical abuse.
I almost
forgot, oh yeah my parents received a call each asking for my hand in marriage.
I should be exhilarating in all mannerisms and sorts of joy but why am I not? I
no longer understand and comprehend my own emotions. i am everywhere but
nowhere at the same time. I wake up every morning and pray for strength almost
every minute of the day and as I write this, I’m on a hospital bed because I finally
crashed. Yup, like my HP G6 once did. I have no idea what ‘Friend’ means
anymore. No idea what ‘I Love You’ means anymore. No idea what ‘Relationship’
means anymore. So I everyday place it in God’s hands and pray for the Holy
Spirit’s strength to find a solution and do what is best for me and my health.
Catch you
soon! I Hope it will be of demented laughs and joys, of forgotten pains and
healing wounds. Of nothing but abrasions.
Love,
Nyandia.
