IT CONTINUES…

Dear Diary,

It has been a while. I have neglected you: Not because of much but because I lacked the words to explain a lot of what was and still is happening to me and A LOT has changed since we last spoke. For Instance, I lost my best friend. Turns out people do change, especially when things and circumstances aren’t in their favor at all. I got myself into a situation which I’m still struggling with and my former bestie did all in their favor and power to use this situation in their favor.

I wish I could divulge in detail, I really wish I could. But I think I’ll soon be seeing a shrink. This past month has seen me experience life through so many eyes: Of the so called righteous, of the godly, of the hurt, of the know-it-alls, of the victim, of the fake friends. I have seen betrayal like I have never before, I have known hurt like almost never before, I have known fear like never before. I have been mentally, psychologically, emotionally and physically abused and there’s not much I can do about it. One day, the great reveal shall unveil.

As you probably, may or may not know, I got a new job: just a short term contract to keep me busy as I get some capital to drive my newly-registered company (which I  no longer am sure of being an co-owner as the ex-bff claimed and threatened to take everything I had since we are co-owners) man! Too much drama. I am currently dealing with people who I can’t understand in any way, I’m always anxious and in fear of consequences to anything. In this case, the consequences are verbal and physical abuse.

I almost forgot, oh yeah my parents received a call each asking for my hand in marriage. I should be exhilarating in all mannerisms and sorts of joy but why am I not? I no longer understand and comprehend my own emotions. i am everywhere but nowhere at the same time. I wake up every morning and pray for strength almost every minute of the day and as I write this, I’m on a hospital bed because I finally crashed. Yup, like my HP G6 once did. I have no idea what ‘Friend’ means anymore. No idea what ‘I Love You’ means anymore. No idea what ‘Relationship’ means anymore. So I everyday place it in God’s hands and pray for the Holy Spirit’s strength to find a solution and do what is best for me and my health.

Catch you soon! I Hope it will be of demented laughs and joys, of forgotten pains and healing wounds. Of nothing but abrasions.

Love,

Nyandia.