Loves,
I wrote this about three weeks ago while in tears and pain, before I moved back home. I wrote this from the bottom of my heart but couldn't bring myself to post. I wrote this for anyone going through a season filled with teaching and a lot of lack. I wrote this because I know it's darkest before dawn.
Who am I?
I find myself asking the very same question. To me,
I'm the techie, the computer engineer.
I am the girl who lives her life openly through a blog.
I am the girl who graduated top of her class at 21.
I am the girl who rarely ever drinks and doesnt do drugs.
I am nearly everyone's go to guy. Does that make me a doormat? Hmmm I wonder. Am I a doormat?
I am the introvert.
The tshirt and jeans girl.
I am the girl next door.
I am a model and I am a beauty queen.
I am huge on philanthropy and social work.
I am everyone's helping hand. Yet my Mom asks why I never seem to help myself. Hmmm I wonder.
I am currently habitating on someone's kitchen cum living room floor.
I am the girl with very little to her name.
I am also the girl who sometimes goes without food due to lack.
I am the girl with Kenya fortune 500 company's CEOs numbers on speed dial.
Yet I am the girl who never seems to be able to get help for herself. Why? Boundaries? Limits? Faith? Religion? Hmmm
I am a stupid nice girl
I am the sarcastic and hilarious girl who keeps everyone but herself happy.
I am the girl who wears the most beautiful smile to mask unimaginable pain inside of her.
I am a survivor of physical, psychological, mental, sexual and emotional abuse.
I am the stone they threw away.
I am the one they laughed at and spat on.
I am the girl who cries herself to sleep every other night.
I am the girl with the unknown Connective Tissue Disorder.
The girl who has fortnightly visits with her doctor to update the medication and frequent hospitalizations
I am the girl who hasn't gone a day without medication for the past 5 years.
I am the girl writing this testament
Because
All that is changing soon.
I am the girl about to have a new testament.
About to rise from the ashes;
I am the girl who will be the one to watch.
This girl says:
Watch this space.
It is always darkest before dawn.
I am,
Nyandia.
