I am.

Loves, 

I wrote this about three weeks ago while in tears and pain, before I moved back home. I wrote this from the bottom of my heart but couldn't bring myself to post. I wrote this for anyone going through a season filled with teaching and a lot of lack. I wrote this because I know it's darkest before dawn. 

Who am I?

I find myself asking the very same question. To me,

I'm the techie, the computer engineer.

I am the girl who lives her life openly through a blog.

I am the girl who graduated top of her class at 21.

I am the girl who rarely ever drinks and doesnt do drugs.

I am nearly everyone's go to guy. Does that make me a doormat? Hmmm I wonder. Am I a doormat?

I am the introvert.

The tshirt and jeans girl.

I am the girl next door.

I am a model and I am a beauty queen.

I am huge on philanthropy and social work.

I am everyone's helping hand. Yet my Mom asks why I never seem to help myself. Hmmm I wonder.

I am currently habitating on someone's kitchen cum living room floor.

I am the girl with very little to her name.

I am also the girl who sometimes goes without food due to lack.

I am the girl with Kenya fortune 500 company's CEOs numbers on speed dial.

Yet I am the girl who never seems to be able to get help for herself. Why? Boundaries? Limits? Faith? Religion? Hmmm

I am a stupid nice girl

I am the sarcastic and hilarious girl who keeps everyone but herself happy.

I am the girl who wears the most beautiful smile to mask unimaginable pain inside of her.

I am a survivor of physical, psychological, mental, sexual and emotional abuse.

I am the stone they threw away.

I am the one they laughed at and spat on.

I am the girl who cries herself to sleep every other night.

I am the girl with the unknown Connective Tissue Disorder.

The girl who has fortnightly visits with her doctor to update the medication and frequent hospitalizations

I am the girl who hasn't gone a day without medication for the past 5 years.

I am the girl writing this testament

Because

All that is changing soon.

I am the girl about to have a new testament.

About to rise from the ashes;

I am the girl who will be the one to watch.

This girl says:

Watch this space.

It is always darkest before dawn.

I am,

Nyandia.