WORLD’S GREATEST 'OH SH*T!'

MY LOVE,

I must confess you really did sneak up on me.

That fateful day in May, I had just come from shooting a flick (In Mother Tongue might I add-street cred things). I sat on my bedroom floor and sighed. I stared and sighed, sighed and stared some more. I waited…nope, nothing. It’s not changing. Well there goes my life! (Mediocre and dramatic; I know!) I sent a text “I. AM. EFFED!” With an attachment and stared at the phone. It lit up and rang…here goes nothing!

I was under so much medication; chronic colitis management medication, painkillers, blood clotting factor medication, hydroxychloroquine, steroids, etc. I mean, I was basically a walking drug store. A good looking walking drug store :D *focus Nyandia! FOCUS!* so it was next to impossible. Even my doctors said it. A Miracle? A Thaumaturgy? 

It was +.

Regardless of the situation of your relationship, regardless of how secure in it you are and how secure you are in your partner, the fear creeps in; this fear of the unknown. You look at your parents and psychoanalyze, you look at your friends with kids and also psychoanalyze then you for sure know you’re doomed. lol

In that moment, and uncountable others like it, you doubt yourself; regardless of the fact that if you believe in destiny, every moment in your past life has been preparing you for this. So you perspire and you try and cry. No tears, the shock wouldn’t allow me. When I could finally cry, I cried for days- mainly because I was scared of what the medicine could have done to you. The doctor mentioned there was a chance I’d lose you but even in the numbness, I prayed against that and in my heart I knew we were chosen for each other.

25 years old turning 26 and I still cared about what people would think of me, how society would castigate me. Funny thing, the week before, I had just asked to serve in church and had been assigned a position. Down the drain that went! I wasn’t even scared of my family, I was scared of strangers’ opinions mainly due to the stigma I have seen others in my position face- moment of weakness but never again.

For a moment there I forgot whose child I was, I forgot whose creation I was and I forgot just how many hurdles and hoops I had successfully jumped before.

Slowly, I snapped out of it.

Now, when i watch a flick and a section with a baby comes up, my heart skips a beat and I get the snuffles. Your highness feels it too and nudges me with a kick- then I know we are in perfect sync.

I wake up in the morning-same nudge and I say hello and have a chat, it’s the last thing I do before I sleep as well.

When I am feeling low, the fuss in my belly is real and I know that your highness needs me to be mentally and emotionally stable for both of us and I’m not alone at that moment, or ever again for that matter.

Every evening for about 15 minutes, I sit and watch you play; sometimes I record and others I don’t because I am engrossed in the moment.

Intimately, more than ever I have come to know myself as a woman, a believer and my Mother’s daughter. And I love every bit of me!

So here we are, 35 weeks in…I’ll be seeing you in a few and I can’t wait to kiss your large cheeks and play with your unusually light feet ( ;) HE- my partner in shock and other situations knows what this is about) and feed you and smell you and love on you all day long.

I am so EXCITED!!! And I know you feel it too.

For now, bake well my darling and feel the love around you because that’s in fullness. 

You are loved more than you can ever and will ever comprehend.

Yours,

Ama.