MY FINALLY RISING SUN.

I have been to Hell…a couple of times and yes, it is real.

But then again, I have been to heaven and it is real as well.

The previous week has been a good week. This has been something I have not said for the past four months…still actually pinched myself to believe that indeed it’s true. I have/had become so accustomed to my bad luck streak aka disasters. After losing the job; which didn’t help any better with losing my long life dream in the competition which I’d mentally prepared for years, the trip to hell begun. I so don’t wish to go there but for anyone who is going through hell, all you can do is keep walking.

Onto the better times…

Being in the kind of debacle I was in taught me so much, still is. I have learnt to ask for help, which is something I really have never done…to anyone or anything, but ask the right people. I learnt to let my friends in, as the true ones slowly came to reveal. I learnt to live life…a day at a time, no timetables because my biggest lesson has been: WE PLAN, GOD LAUGHS. I learnt to appreciate family, the power of true family and that there is a difference between family, and relatives. Family, you choose whereas relatives, are chosen for you. But my nuclear family: Parents and Siblings; were right there waiting for me to need them, something I had never considered ever in my life.

See, I have always been the go-to person. I have never been the person who goes to others. Oh how hard I’ve learnt that man is no island!

I have slowly learnt that God is still on the throne, no matter what the situation looks like. Literally. This was driven home every night my Mom would call and through tears she told me things would work out. At one time, I really wanted to stop praying; it really wasn’t working for me, or so I thought but then, what would I be left with? So every day, Morning, Noon and Night, I religiously thanked my father; even for that which I didn’t have, even for that which I knew wasn’t coming because my short-sightedness wouldn’t allow me to see any good in tomorrow. And I know he listened…still does.

I still don’t have a job. Check.

I still have to work above and beyond to pay my bills. Check.

I still have SLE. Check.

I still question why it had to be me? Nope. JK. I quit that shit.

I still have my overzealous smile? Check.

God is still on the throne? Check.

See what I mean? Lesson learnt, the hard way. But all in all, happiness is finding its way to me, the original owner. After all, attitude is everything.

Yours,

A Happy Girl,

Nyandia.

WHEN GOD IS SILENT…

Dear Diary,

Mornings like these I wake up on edge. After probably a few hours of sleep due to insomnia, too many dreams and nightmares, anxiety, weakness due to my meds…see the trend? This has been my past two months or so. I am tired of it. It’s like a part of me is dead, clearly. I pray about everything, even when I do not find an answer to anything at all, even when nothing makes sense at all, even when he chooses to be silent, I still look up to him.

I am in an utter state of confusion, what next? No employment? Hell yes. But then, bills to pay. So many ideas, dreams and visions fill my mind when I think about it, but where to get the capital to make even one a reality? Normally when I freak out, I prefer to do so silently…no one needs to know my shit. But this time, I am freaking out for real. I’d so love to go back to school and do my masters and PhD back to back but then again, tuition? Another roadblock. One by one in each and every way possible to me, everything I can think of gets cut off by some reason. Ugh!! Speak of utter frustration.

Every time I tune to the book of Ezekiel: ‘Speak to your dead dry bones’ I do so but man! Are these super dead or what? Inwardly, I am slowly dying and it is reflected outwardly. Too many hardships, too much pain, too much numbness. Perfect wording. Numb. I am numb. Which is worse than pain as it is a result of too much hurt. No one can understand, until you have walked a mile in these shoes. Nothing seems to help or be a resolve…I am tempted to drink but then again I think; with my current health status, who would that be harming more? See what I mean? A Roadblock everywhere.

God really is silent. Whatever test this is? Only he knows why. I don’t think anyone can take as much. It honestly is too much.

Too much.

I read that each and every dream and passion in us is kept there by him, for his fulfillment. I want to laugh at this statement but then again, we are dead without hope. I choose to believe that the teacher is always silent during the test, to not mistake God's silence for his absence. So I choose to hope and pray that soon enough, my sun will rise again; soon enough, the storm will calm; soon enough, it will be done.

After all...
When God is silent, He is not still. God does some of His best work in the dark. Trust Him-He's there. - Tony Evan

Nyandia. 

LET IT GO

I resigned.

Yes I did. On the 20th of October 2014. I handed in my resignation.
Every morning I wake up, with so much going on I ask, What If? In my pageant situation, I could not do anything but in my work situation, yes I can. A very long stride aka a leap of faith and with pride and tears, I handed it in. Here's one reason..

Two months ago, I get a transfer letter and it's quoted... With immediate effect. To a different town in a kinda rural place. Here's my problem : I have SLE, I have Severe Chronic Colitis  and UV itis. Weekly, I have to go to hospital and has been the case for the past 4 years. I need my doc, I need my calm weather and the new place, the cold will kill me. To top it all off, I've been switched departments... From ICT and social media to Marketting. Yeah right! Like that ever work. See, we are in ICT because being geek is in our DNA. For me, it was chosen before I was born... I'm good at it, nay very good. And I was about to start my MSc and PhD in the same. So this isn't a question.

I call my Mom, I'm crying, I'm shaking and shivering. I leave the office and head to a coffee house to meet Christian. Tears stream down my face , a lady comes over to out booth... 'God is in control' she whispers. This is the second time in 10 months this has happened. Just a few weeks after my documents weirdly go missing in HR. I have to justify my stay in the capital. My need for the good weather, my need for availability of a 24/7 hospital, my need for my specialist. Once again, I have to prove I have a health condition. I remember painfully when it happened again. The boss on my face screaming at me that I was feigning sickness, asking me not to step into the office building without evidence of a doctor's note all this in front of my workmates. Previous day, I'd admitted myself at the Karen Hospital, had a minor procedure performed and had later discharged myself and was at work the following day, woozy and in pain. All this, I did by myself probably only two people knew as I didn't want to loose my job. This job I have so loved and have sweat blood for. This procedure was to prove I had severe chronic colitis. Great! Lupus wasn't enough.

I have lost prior jobs due to my health. The inability to work with certain conditions. These situations and people are the ones who make people like me ask,  'Why Me' the very reason for most of our psychological pain. These are the people who say it in words and action, 'We need a healthy person'  to your face. I know it's wrong to question God but I admit, more than once... I have. To him and to my Mother. To be honest, you can never understand until you've walked steps in my shoes.

Right now, I write this. I wrote a letter asking for a reconsideration with all the necessary letter and evidence but ni reply a month later. So I have no option. I have to resign or else I'll find myself in disciplinary. And yesterday I got a letter, accepting my resignation but also stating that I am to repay my one month gross salary. I hadn't realized my insurance was cancelled immediately and I went for a check up. My hands and legs have been acting up, intense bone and join pain with swelling. After consult and meds, I get a call from insurance, you're not covered hence have to foot your bill:11,000 Ksh. In cash. Just for one day. My nights are full of tears and the days, well the days are spent trying to get by.

My Mom keeps quoting 2nd Corinthians 20. 'The battle is the Lord's' it says. But this battle, my God, till when? It's worn me down. The disease eats at me and the stress and emotions as well. It's unfair is all I murmur just as I am about to fall asleep.

Nyandia.

MISS WORLD KENYA 2014/2015 FINALS

Yaaay!!! My roommate won!! A girl with an old beautiful soul won!! I am proud!

It was a beautiful 6 hour event at the KICC in Nairobi. Starting at 10:00 p.m. the girls begun with an introductory dance which included a dance to former TPF (Tusker Project Fame) finalist Steve. After which every girl from the final 24 counties was introduced in a beautifully choreographed catwalk. The EMCEE’s for the night were Former Miss Kenya USA and Capital FM News correspondent, Miss Angela Muiruri and Easy FM’s homerun co-host and comedian Obinna Ike.

After the introduction and entertainment, the cultural wear category followed and my lord! Had the beauties prepped! African and Flawless are the words I believe. Miss Taita Taveta won this category with her calabash lades outfit covering her ta-ta’s and a beautiful finish from the waist below. #TembeaKenya comes to mind. After this, musician Shanky Radics performed.

Evening wear followed and the girls had on their crowns. Miss Tharaka Nithi had a major crowd with pluckards and signs. The epilepsy ambassador remained calm despite the major uproar. The beautifully crafted gowns had each their time on the runway as the girls donned and rocked them. It was a moment. After this was the designer’s traditional wear and talent was at its best! The major performance of the night was by nameless right after the 12 finalists were named by their counties: Tharaka Nithi, Nairobi, Kajiado, Machakos, Elgeyo-Marakwet, Nakuru, Kirinyaga, Kilifi, Kiambu, Bungoma, Murang’a and Nyeri who proceeded onto the Question and Answer Session.

After Q n A, five finalists were named from the 12: Machakos, Kajiado, Bungoma, Kirinyaga and Kilifi. And the other involved titles were named and awarded right before the final crowning. Miss Beach Beauty went to Miss Kirinyaga County, Miss Beauty with a Purpose went to Miss Tharaka Nithi County for her championing the Epilepsy campaign in Kenya, and Miss Talent went to Miss Kilifi County while Miss Congeniality went to Miss Narok County.

The moment was finally here, at around 4:00 a.m. EAT the 2^nd runner up was named: Miss Bungoma County, 1^st Runner up: Miss Kirinyaga County and Finally Miss World Kenya 2014/2015 Miss Idah Nguma: Machakos County was crowned. I was so happy for her. I scream myself voiceless…it was fun!!!!

Off to the counties we go! Our champion project: Smile Kenya-Cleft Lip Palate must be kicked from Kenya!!

My Project as Miss Laikipia County: Bringing the World to the Village Child through technology and education.

My FB Page: https://www.facebook.com/misslaikipiacounty?ref=hl

Twitter Handle: @Nyandia_G Instagram handle: @nyandia_gachago

I am open and welcome to ideas to make our counties and country better hit me up on any social media channel and I’ll definitely hit you up back lol. I love you all.

P.S: THE PHOTOS...Not yet pro, i'm getting there. Just had to share with you the journey

Blessings and Love,

Nyandia Gachago

Miss World Kenya Laikipia County

BACK TO WORK? WHY NOT BE SELF SUFFICIENT.

Oh well, even I didn’t see this one coming. So basically, I’m back to work. I really wish I would share some of the things that happen in workplaces but I know one day I will, when the storm has set in and the tide is low. It is not of ill but of reality, not of malice but of a naked truth. Why self-sufficiency should be the only thing on a young person’s mind especially.

Today I got to work late. It’s my second day back after almost two months and it’s tougher than I thought. After all that has been happening, I thought my life was going to get better with time and I thought that ‘with time’ was going to start or would have already started. I guess it takes a day or two for one’s schedule to be back like to a functional 8-5 work day. Being back on meds is not making this easier and the fatigue and insomnia is haunting. I am one hour late to work. I am ashamed. But I know tomorrow and the consequent days will be better. Too bad I got a harsh warning from someone today, like a psychological thrashing of sorts. No level of explaining could be understood or justified so I sealed my lips. Well, up until it almost got ugly and I defended myself. Story for another day.

Beginning next year, God willing and bless my soul; I will have different lyrics, will be singing a different and new song. A much more melodious one. But for now, I’m learning. Learning to dance in the rain, instead of just sulking in wait for the storm to pass. It then hits me on how much I have seen my parents suffer in the hands of mental, emotional and psychological slavery in the name of employment. Oh boy! This cannot be a cycle. This WILL NOT be a cycle. I refuse. You should refuse. We need to mentally, emotionally and psychologically free ourselves, cut the damn chains and venture into creativity and thought. I know I have. Bae and I have a shoe business, though it starts slow at first and requires immense discipline and patience, in the end it does and will pay off. Think of something you can do, get some capital and do it!

Next stop for me, fashion. Every single dress I have hit the runway in, has been my own creation and EVERYONE loves every single piece. Why not make money out of it huh? Transport as well is also way up there. It requires immense capital but the reaping…boy oh boy. Farming as well aka agriculture. There are so many places my mind goes to when I think of venturing and you know what? Why not now. It’s time to break the cycle, time to break the norm, time to be free.

What do you think my dear reader? Share with me.

Blessings and favor,

Nyandia.

Bae, Babe, Love, Hun, Darling…IS IT REALLY THAT SERIOUS?

Beloved readers, guess who got themselves in a few hours fight in the dead of the night? Yup. Read my mind. Me. Lol Living the kind of life I live with the likes of the people I meet along the way. I have learnt to really take very little personally because honestly, it really is never that serious. Right? Right.

My scenario is pretty bleak. Why? Because I have friends who will always call me Bae and Love and the problem, my Mr. doesn’t approve. To him, it is utter disrespect and tolerance of crap as well as flirting on my side. Now I’m sorry to sound mean but, one can only take the sheep to the watering hole but can never force it to drink the water. Over and over again I actually have insistently and persistently asked these friends especially the males to refrain but boy! Was I barking at the wrong tree. My resolution? Ignore. After all, it honestly is never that serious. At one point a few of them pointed out the fact that maybe I thought they were getting personal and hitting on me whereas this was not the situation at all, this is what they call all their good friends.

My friend Mzito always begins his texts or calls with ‘Hey Love’ despite the fact that he probably is in bed with a girl. I think it all boils down to affection; basic fondness. I believe one can tell when someone is legit ‘babe-ing’ them and when they’re just being nice because you’re good friends. This is what he doesn’t understand. This is where I believe compromise comes in. I am not the snoopy people, trust me I’ve had my share of drama and I believe I am worth the very same benefit of the doubt. I personally would never go raving and insulting while insinuating to him that he is flirting or cheating just because some weirdo said, ‘Whassup boo’. I choose to not be petty.

Having gone through the kinds of things I’ve been through in my 23 years (bullying, family breakage, abusive relationships, major health conditions, being in the entertainment world of pageants and all), I choose what should annoy me and what to surpass. I choose to pick my battles and pick them wisely. I choose when and when not to poke a bear. I was partly raised by a man so I know when to shut up. I only wish the same was reciprocated.

But one thing in mind, life is too short. Especially in my case where this I know too well. Too short for disappointments, too short for arguments, too short to not laugh at yourself, too short to not laugh at life. Live and Let Live are the words I live by. After all in this life, no one will make it alive. Live and live it well.

Blessings and Life,

Nyandia.

SEALED FATE? BROKEN VIRGINITIES AND WHAT NOT

Heck no!

After my previous blog, I know most of you are wondering what next with me. Personally, I slowly am figuring that out, one day at a time. So for now, I live each day as it comes and boy! Has it been interesting! Truthfully, the tears have been coming of course. I mean, when you have so much burning passion for something and then somehow it doesn’t happen as you’d thought or expected after years of waiting for the right time and all, you’d be deeply heartbroken.

I honestly didn’t expect to recover this quick. I’m not yet there, but I will be. So a day after the event: Monday, as we are out of the hotel and meandering around the coast in our branded vehicles, we get called into a meeting. So apparently some girls left the academy immediately after the event without letting the administration aka the chaperone and principal and director know. Some of these girls (two to be exact) had qualified to the finals. The Miss World Kenya academy principal, Odada Okello who is also the former Mr. Kenya, announced that they had been ruled out of the competition and two girls would be replacing them. Wait, What? How did that just happen? Hmm that is an unexpected turn of events. Well, today is Saturday and the next academy for the finals begins tomorrow or Monday at the latest and still, no word.

Don’t get me wrong but I kind of have already accepted what happened. After all, there is a reason the Lord’s Prayer includes a ‘thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven’ right? Ok so back to reality!!! This week, I have done a full photo-shoot so as to have a portfolio AND guess WHO BROKE THEIR ON-SCREEN VIRGINITY? Yes! Me! I shot an ad campaign. Tough at first but got it soon enough and it was fun!! Who knew I would be shy in front of a camera at first? Hmm this experience really has come with a lot. I didn’t think I would actually be busy and have opportunities and chance like this. God indeed does work in mysterious ways. I really am hoping for more and am totally content with what I have…though God, a bit nay a massive opening of the heavens down on me would be pretty awesome.

I have made my peace with God. And though I may cry once in a while, it’s because I care. Because I had a vision that burnt so much in me…and I still do. I hope to continue with my project and Yes, I will. I plan to bring the world to the village child. Yes, you heard me right. And you know what, already have found interested partners. God indeed is faithful. Heaven indeed is smiling down on me.

Blessings and Love,

Miss World Kenya Semi-Finalist: Nyandia.