Or so we
thought.
I’m sorry,
took a while to post this. Reason being, No, I’m not bitter lol but immediately
after the event on Sunday morning, I actually started blogging but then my
Laptop gave up on me and I had to wait until I was back in Nairobi, which was
yesterday so I could use my Hardware and Software Engineering Skills and
perform a miracle. I ended up downgrading it back to Windows 7!! I feel robbed.
6GB, 750GB, 2.8GHz CORE i5!!! I’ve had you for the last three years c’mon!! Why
do this to me now?! Ok Ok…I’m going out of topic
After an
intense class, we head in for the prejudging…in our bikinis. This is my first time
ever wearing a full bikini, in front of people. To be truthful, I’ve had issues
with my body. Due to the Lupus, I’ve always been on medication especially
supplements and sometimes, steroids and we all know what those can do to the
body. So, as much as people tell me my body is fine…I do have some issues. Especially
in a boot camp like this one where almost everyone is short of 50kg. Oh well,
it did not go as bad as I thought, in fact it didn’t go bad at all and soon
after, we were shooting in our bikinis and crowns and sashes at the pools and
the beach. Yeah you go girl!!! Just a few more gym sessions and ill have this
ass and these thighs toned up fully. PSSST…haven’t been to the gym since we got
back, fatigue and other issues.
We pack and
head to our respective rides to the venue and in two hours we are at Malindi
Pata Pata Beach. We rehearse and after a few glitches here and there, we get it…or
at least get better. At around 7p.m we go in for our dress fittings with the
designers followed closely by hair and makeup. Not to spit bile but it took
about two hours and a half for my hair to get done, twice and with almost the
same result. Didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out that id undo
everything and opt to let it flow, even our chaperones noticed. This did get me
a bit on edge as everyone else’s hair, my lord! Perfection. I guess it was just
one of those times huh.
Show starts
at Midnight! Who ever heard of that?! Lol this is how they do things at the
coast I guess. My brother is in the crowd. Oh I best not mess this up, I’ll be
super embarrassed. Our dance routine is up and Lord!! We killed it! Fally Ipupa’s
sexy dance was the best idea ever!! We killed it!! Up next was casual, followed
by African and then dinner. Next up, we
were asked to introduce ourselves and our respective counties.
I’m up next
to talk. Suddenly, the lights go out. The crowd goes into a bit of a frenzy and
after a minute or two, which seems like a lifetime, they are back. I take the
mic and head to the front. I say my name and where I am from. I freeze. Breathe
Nyandia, Breathe. I start speaking about my county and I get a brain freeze. For
the first time in my life, I froze on stage. I redeem myself somehow but I want
to run out and cry buckets. I have NEVER EVER been afraid of a crowd. Today,
something happened. At the make it or break it moment, I break. Yes, I have
been doing public speaking since third grade. This moment, I cannot explain.
Tears well up in my eyes. As much as some other girls mess up a bit, others hit
the nail on the head, sending the crowd in an uproar!! Why God, Why? I don’t understand
this.
As the
second group heads to stage, I rush backstage and curse at myself. I send a
text to my brother and to the bae, I messed up, I messed up big time. I am not
that tall so for me, there wasn’t really any room for err. I let the waterworks
begin but soon after, I have to compose myself. The girls keep telling me it
was ok, but it is a competition after all. The results are here.
24 girls are
chosen, yes. I didn’t make the cut. I think it is due to my mishap but then
other girls had issues as well yet they made it. I head backstage and I’m met
by a crowd of the prejudges, arms open wide, they let me cry, they ask why and
soon after, I get my answer, my height. Sadly, none of the marks attained at
the week-long camp were applied in the final decision. It all came down to
those few runway hours. Not Fair, I tell myself. Not fair.
Why did God
bring me this far only for me to be ashamed? Why put such passion and desire
and fire in me for this for years only for him not to fulfil the desires of my
heart? I ask him. I say I won’t talk to him, after all…he wasn’t there for me.
(This is the crazy talking) The past months have been a roller coaster to me.
Hell sums it up in a word. At work, oh lord! Blog for another day. My health,
oh well. I rush out and look for my bro, who deeply encourages me. The fact
that the judges and prominent personalities keep insisting I will go far, makes
no sense at all right now. After all, I am broken.
Bud ride
back was quiet. It was seven in the morning after all. Everyone is worn out. There’s
a mixture of emotions in the air as well. I congratulate each and every of the
girls who made it and even make an announcement in the bus. Though I am dying
inside, I am a sucker for good. Straight to bed and I try blogging this out, my
computer crashes on me. I mean, even my best friend at the time, crashed on me.
Could it get any worse?
I call my
Mom, she is heartbroken. I let it all out and ask so many questions. I ask why
things don’t go well for me. I ask why I am a subject of bullying at work, I ask
why I have to explain my illness to people over and over again just to get an
equal chance at everything, I ask why I had to be the one popping sometimes ten
pills a day at 22 years, I ask why I had to be the one to always be a victim, I
ask why God let me down over and over again, I ask why me. I let it all out. This
is the closest I have ever been to my Mom. I let it all out.
……continues
in a day.
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