KNOW YOUR WORTH: UNDERSTANDING YOUR VALUE THROUGH YOUR HUNGER

We've all been there: through the disrespect, the pain, the victimization, the bullying. We always tend to look for a deeper reason behind it while in all truth, the common denominator is YOU.

You allow people to treat you the way they do. Your energy, confidence and attitude is the currency that others will transact with. I know loads of people who have settled for less, simply "accepted" cards dealt because deep inside, they don't believe they deserve more OR maybe they do, but never amass the strength to go for what they really want, need and deserve.

In my 23.8 years (shit! I’m getting old), I've created my destiny within my career, friendships and community. I have painfully learnt to let go of that which simply doesn’t build me or make me happy. I have learnt to not sweat the small stuff. I have also learnt to appreciate the different types of situations and people that there are and trust me, I have met a loadful. I have learnt to keep my inner circle sacred in each and every step of life.

Mine is a case of throwing a vodka party with the lemons and not making lemonade.

At the Workplace:

This was the most painful of all. The jobs I’ve lost and have had to resign due to disrespect and being picked on constantly. I’ve had those in senior management insult me due to my age and gender: both men and women. Simply as they can’t figure out why and how I get up the ladder so fast, or why someone very senior chose to believe in me and gave me a shot or how and why I happen to be very ambitious yet I am just a girl. More than once, I’ve had involuntary tears fall in front of my juniors or peers after someone senior found it necessary to exercise their power and humiliate and insult me. It took a while but I drew the line. You cannot pay me enough to address my body in front of fellow workers or even to me, you cannot pay me enough to scream at me, hurling insults. It is not worth it and this means a lot coming from a member of a major entrepreneurial community.

Jesus didn’t get crucified for this nonsense.

In Relationships (personal and public)

I've tolerated men and women: friends and lovers who don't appreciate me, who don't value my heart, who take and take -- I've allowed people to not treat me as I'm worth. This is all a matter of self-esteem and my sense of self-worth in the realm of being a woman and a friend. I've made excuses, justified even for them. I’ve been physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally and psychologically abused and eagerly re-entered the game of push and pull with people who clearly don't really value me much at all. And in the end it just chipped away the low self-esteem that got me there in the first place even more.

It took me years of being hungry for love and someone to give a crap, even desperate for it at times, heart aches, heart tramples, misuse, obsessing, infatuating, idealizing, you name it, for me to finally wake up and realize that my most important relationship is the one with myself.

I've learned to embrace self-love.

It took me a health condition, my family's tears and being hospitalized enough times to learn that I mattered more than even the very cheque I was chasing. I may not have been the most vocal and talked back but I learnt my worth and what I brought to the table. I have learnt through pain, tears and blood.

In the words of Sima Kumar, "Be the gatekeeper." Your body is a temple. Your mind is sacred. Be selective. Respect your entire being and be respected. Love yourself and be loved.

Know your value and don't accept being treated in a way less than you deserve. Now, I don't mean to start going out there with unrealistic expectations, demands and a sense of entitlement. I am saying that you deserve to be treated the way you treat others, and vice versa. The minute you negotiate your self-worth and accept less, you say to the universe that you don't deserve any better, and the vicious cycle/pattern begins. 

Above all, know that someone out there who probably hasn’t even met you yet, loves you above and beyond and wishes you nothing but everything you deserve.

Love,

Nyandia.