Is it for me?
Well....
For years, I have hated and loathed this
institution. Unashamedly so I must say. I have seen what it has done to us, to
my family, to us the children. The way, it has scarred us and psychologically
damaged us. Oh and my parents. God knows.
Do they hate each other? I don’t know really.
Maybe? All I know is that there is a very thin line between love and hate, that
you can hate someone equally in measure with the same passion you love/d them.
And I think that’s where they are. That’s where they have been for a while, for
more than 2 decades actually.
I wish I could write my emotions and feelings out.
But I cant. Not that I wont, I just cant. I cant find the words to express
myself. Its one of those things. Its hurt. Its anger. Its despair. Its
hopelessness. Its helplessness. Its sadness. To the core of my soul and mind.
The arguments and insults. The hours and hours of
cursing and screaming and disrespect. The cheating and the lying. The lack of
communication. The allegations. The pushing of each other and us to the very
edge of the cliff. The threats. The religion. The anger and frustration. The
alcohol.
We have lived with it since I was born as much as I
know and even probably longer they have been dealing with this.
It may get worse. I mean, it has only gotten worse
with the years. Why they wont leave each other be, I don’t know, beats me. No
love lost there certainly. I feel horrible for saying that but it seems that
way and has seemed that way for decades.
Its sad that
our pragmatic African beliefs can condemn two people to a life of unhappiness
rather than separate definitely happier lives. Unbelievable that religion
condemns separation and divorce; or so we are taught, that its sin. Sardonic
that society judges divorce as failure instead of viewing it as a weirdly
packaged gift of an option.
I will leave this here, after hours of heartache
from another episode. But before my ulcer kicks in, I pray that I do better
because after all, one can never judge shoes they have never fit in .
Love,
Nyandia.
I wonder what dictates all these, i agree with you.
ReplyDeleteNyandia, first let me extend a hand of empathy. I totally understand you. I have been in a dysfunctional family all my 42 years. It is unbelievably frustrating. You can't think of anything else but how to escape.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I do support separation and divorce but I hate them. You are right that religion makes people believe it's a sin but Christianity does not. Incidentally, that's not what the Bible says. It says God hates divorce for it is a tearing apart but He allows it only on grounds of infidelity. But for any other reason, He does not see it as a ground for divorce. However, if a couple choose to divorce, then the Bible says let them remain unmarried or get back together. Separation is allowed and practical because sometimes it helps people get a proper perspective of the whole situation by stepping away from it. You see, religion lies to us but the Bible wants us whole, healthy and functional in bringing up wholesome children.
I struggled with that issue trying to tell my parents to divorce since they had wanted 20 years together (40 years compounded). I did not want them to waste another 20. They have already done that and I have understood that it is not easy for them either. So I focus on mine. Which brings me to the last point. Yes, marriage is good and worth it. But you have to give it all you have to make it work. It's not easy and I know that some of my parents failures are out of not maturing and learning more what to do. But if a marriage fails, it is not the end either. You can always start over (not remarrying, for you will repeat the same mistakes on a grander scale) with the same person or agree to end it. You are not a prisoner of circumstances.
I just read this and thanks so much ...🙌🏽
DeleteI so get this post...most times I also wonder if marriage is for me...I have been scarred by relationships/marriages of family members.
ReplyDeleteIslam allows divorce and I am so grateful for that and do not have to worry about moving on if things do not work out if I ever get married. I can't imagine living a lie for a very long time in my lide.
Yeah I know, but the beauty in people like us is that we know what we don't want. And to be truthful, I think we actually don't hate the institution,just the fact that it's failure is a great possibility hence why we would probably move heaven and earth to make ours work ...
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