DRIFTING?

Loves,

I am Suffering from Drift Syndrome.

Well, I am working on getting out of it but that’s where I have been though I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now.

Drift Syndrome- when one can’t figure out why they’re doing what they’re doing or why and when they ended up in the position they’re in or have been in either professionally, emotionally, mentally. It also occurs when one DID have a plan, a course but life’s hard knocks happened or a lack of follow through loaded with bullets of procrastination then we drifted into whatever position it is we are in now.

Catch the drift? J

So, I went from being in this unhealthily codependent relationship to starting over…in every way possible. Moving 500 miles back to Nairobi, getting a new place and currently; decluttering in every way humanly possible. 

Over the past two years I have lost so much emotionally, physically, mentally, financially and psychologically than I care to admit. Above all, I had lost myself. (To the extent where I lost my style and confidence somehow) The worst part about it is, when you’re slowly losing yourself, nobody seems to bring it to your attention until it’s too late OR you’re too blind and deaf to see or hear any of it. Once you’re out of it is when everybody goes like ‘Oh we saw that coming and you were gone OR you could have done so much better, etc.’ *eye roll*

The tough part begins when you’re forced to pick your own broken pieces, mend or smelt them together and attach them back to your person, all this with your head held high. Yet sometimes, having taken all these necessary steps, you’re still lost. I however think that what makes it tough is a society that doesn’t allow for process, for you to take your time and work towards your healing: however much time it takes. (I at some point considered changing my number and taking a break from everyone and everything for about a year: yes family included) but this, is termed selfish and unacceptable. So, you sit in your bed day and night wondering where you went wrong or where it all went left and what you could have done to change the course of everything and that drives you more up the wall.

So I am painfully and slowly learning to be selfish where my peace of mind is concerned and I am majorly decluttering my life: clothes, shoes, social media existence and people. (See how that progressed quickly :D) And I’ll tell you it feels great. It’s very psychological I believe and with every batch I throw in the bin, my brain de-stresses. Now I get the whole Monk idealism of ‘less of the physical and material makes one calm’.

Yeah, that’s just an update and I welcome tips and ideas on how to deal with drift syndrome faster and better lol though I am embracing it because drifting has led me to a whole new land and self-discovery journey which though painful, I’m sure will be worth it. I might be lost but I thank God that I know myself and I know what I want in life; all I need is direction on how to get there and a hand to guide me there because truthfully, no man is an island.

Gorgeous Drifter,

Nyandia.

P.S: I have met someone new and hopefully, soon enough I’ll talk about it.