MY IRREPARABLE RELATIONSHIP: MY REPARABLE REALITY

Guess who went home? For an Entire WEEKEND!! Uh-Huh ME!! MOI! NIE! MIMI! If you read my beginner blogs I’m sure you would get why this is a big deal for me. Strained relationships and all. My Mom and I were not always besties and I have always been that child who felt unloved and unwanted. My Dad was rarely there during my growing up as he was working out of town but still… So, if you have that strained relationship with your Mom or Dad which you feel like is irreparable, trust me IT IS.

My years have taught me that well, everything is possible it all depends on how you look at it. See My Mom had the worst possible to imagine relationship with her in-laws. My brother and I were subject to mistreatment and ignorance because of our financial situation at the time. I remember this time and not just once we would go to Grandma’s place as the extended family and when the photo session would be up, my bro and I would be asked to step aside because of how we looked and all. We were babies at the time probably less than 7 years. More than once, my Granddad would purposefully ignore introducing my Mom yet she is the wife of his eldest Son. Yeah and given that in African culture, we children are named after our grandparents, I was named after my Grandma who really really disliked my Mom and taunted her, making her marriage hell and with time, separation; My Mom took it out on me. For years.

Through the years My Mom and I had no relationship and we literally drew the line between hate and hate. I would have rather died with an issue than ask her because chances were, she would with time use it against me. It has literally taken every being of myself to forgive and try to forget by the creation of new and better memories. We probably started talking at my second year of Campus when I was diagnosed with SLE (Systemic Lupus Erythematous). It was so awkward for me as to me, I never had needed help from anyone and I had learnt to stand on my own for years before but God knew I guess that I couldn’t handle the illness by myself.

Down the line I have picked up a few tips and tricks on how to repair a what would seem irreparable relationship:

1. Communicate

 I guess with time my Mom realized what she had done with me and where she had gone wrong and she would call me up to five times a day. She still does till date for the past 3 years. With time, I found myself opening up to her naturally even about who I was dating, my modelling career, my schooling, etc. And she did the same with me.

2. Forgive and Let Go

If you have a Staunch African parent as I do, you do know they actually literally never say sorry even if they accidentally shoot your foot. So as hard as it was, I learnt to slowly let go. I had never cried for years and I was the hardest soul alive *or so I thought* but immediately I opened up to the past, I could cry and pray and slowly let go of the pain as well as asking God to heal me, each tear at a time. I’m still in the process though.

3. Spend Time Together

This is the hardest according to me. In both primary and high school, whenever it was time or the day to go home, my stomach would knot itself. I hated home. I hated my life. I hated myself. When I moved out at the age of 17 to join campus and all, I refrained from going home. Too much pain, too many memories, probability of getting attacked, etc. I would probably go home once a year and only when my brothers were around. This is why I’m excited that I went home, by my own will and I even took friends to introduce to my parents.

4. Grow Up and Understand

Parenthood has no manual. I came to learn that my Mom treated me relatively the same way her Mom had. Probably even way less harsh. Our parents do the best they can, they only way they know how. As much as I may hate to admit it, I probably would not have turned out as I am were it not for those beatings and thrashings. Girls I grew up with, studied with, got pregnant and into drugs and into so many bad situations some even died but my Mom had a tight leash on me and well, here I am.

5. DON’T!

Blame, Point Fingers. It doesn’t help but only makes the situation worse. With time, you will heal.

Life if made up of dots. And somewhere in it, lies is a string. If you don’t have the patience and discipline to take time and assess each and every aspect and situation of your life, you will never be able to see that everything is connected, you may never find the string and connect each and every dot. Every single dot joins with another and another and so on.

AND PRAY. Prayer does heal. The minute I learnt to go down on my knees and release my natural pain to my supernatural God, I started healing. You, my dear reader should try it. It works!

Blessings and Prayer,

Nyandia.