TO THE MEMBERS OF THE CLAN OF ADAM aka MEN: WHY WOMEN GOLD-DIG YOU

You know, I feel for men who this happens to. But truth be told, you play quite a major role at it. I personally do not encourage it and have actually been a victim both from Men I have dated and from my own ‘friends’ and I have spoken to quite many about this. I’ll break it down for you:

1. You Let Them

First off, rarely can anyone hurt you without you letting them. If you live your life; the dating life trying to please everyone and anyone you date, giving them literally what they ask for, even your credit card; don’t go around complaining you got dug. You let them. You gave them the leeway, a free pass. No matter how hot she may be, let her know you’re not only Mr. Moneybags but a human with feelings and emotions. Stop trying to buy love and its benefits. You will end up at the loose end.

2. Lazy

Why in the world do you men date lazy women, women who cannot cook, women who cannot clean, women who don’t even know how to change a light bulb? Women who, even for the most basic of needs like sanitary towels, will always come for a handout? Women who ask you for weekly or Monthly allowances? Who is to blame but yourself really?

3. Ungodly

Now, first of all there is a difference between being godly and a church-goer. Remember, even the devil goes to church. When you get women who have no sense of a spiritual superior being in life and beyond, how do you expect her to find anything wrong with expecting you to do everything? She may not know right from wrong. Godly women, from my experience are disciplined and have too much girl pride to go around begging for handouts all the time especially when they can get it on their own. They look up to God, to themselves and then to their men, in that order.

4. Too Young

Surely when you’re dating a 16 year old, do you expect anything but to be a Moneybag to her? With maturity and age comes responsibility. A 16 year old does not even know how to fend for herself, she doesn’t even know herself to begin with. Trust me, you will be more of a father-figure which is worse and more disturbing, than a ‘boyfriend’ Get a mature woman who you can relate to, who understands situations and knows what a struggle is, who appreciates a day’s earning because she knows the sweat you have had to break for you to get to where you are.

5. You’re a Brat

If you’re the type of brat in the name of a guy who brags about this and that, how you have the latest model in this, how your Mother works in this office and your Dad holds this office, you should be gold-dug! Maybe it will force you to get a brain and work for your own things and maybe you will invest in personal development, discipline and maturity. Women smell fakes and brainless studs from a mile away and given the chance, she will pounce on the prey and will eat you alive.

6. You’re a Liability

When you push yourself to a woman too much and for too long, she will sense your desperation and she will do one of two things,

a.      She will call the cops on you, cops being her friends, her brothers, her workmates, her aunties, her crush, her BFF, etc. even the cops themselves until you leave her alone OR

b.      She will use you, misuse you and abuse you for you to leave her alone. She will ‘chop your moni’ until there is none left to chop. She will bleed you high dry and leave you hanging on your soles.

Learn to respect a woman’s response to your advances, else well; don’t say I never told you.

7. You're Weak

Yes, There. I said it. I do not know any man who roars in his house yet is dumb enough to let a woman bleed his pockets. Strength begins in the mind then to the body. Have the ability to say, ‘No baby, I will not give you my credit card’ ‘Your overspending and you need to stop’, ‘I will cut you off until you learn how to respect the hustle’ , ‘Pay the bills this month and tell me how it goes’ Yes!!! Stand up for yourself, stand up for your balls and finally and most importantly, stand up for your paper aka hustle aka mullah.

8. You Lack self-control

If you’re the type of guy who cannot keep his eyes off a firm bum, imagine what that firm bum will make you do when it is naked. Yeeees, you feel me? Pray day and night for self-control else it lands you in trouble. How and why do you think men are robbed by prostitutes (includes all who get a man drunk to get him to bed then rob him) Women are smart. No one can argue that and sometimes, they use this brain wealth for all the wrong reasons.

9. You feed her details of your financial status

If a woman is not your wife, why the hell would you show or even mention your pay slip? To earn more respect? To earn more appreciation? So she can see you’re a man enough? So she can see how capable you are? WRONG. This will not register in a gold-digger’s mind. You may mistake her curiosity for her caring about your life but for real, she is just sassing you out to ensure that you can pay your way through the relationship.

10. You have never asked her to pay or let her

When you show a woman that you have it all under control thinking it makes you a full man (whatever that means) and you never ever let her pay for anything, then she might as well always look at you when the bill comes up. Learn to let her be responsible every once in a while. Let her know how to respect the bill and trust me, she will never misuse it.

Of Mark X and MarkII riffraff's and Subaru Strugglers

Dear Woman,

If you only knew how it has taken the grace of God, some of us working our asses off tooth and nail to get to where we are, you would never speak of women with such mindlessness. My question is, did your Dad drive a Range Rover, Mercedes or Audi Quattro by any chance? Oh yes, thought so. Did your Mother give the poor man these standards? Thought so too. Did she ask for a German machine with each of you she conceived? Oh wow, really? I think I am an illusionist.

Now take a seat and get told by a woman who has worked even in doing odd jobs till she got to where she is which may not be enough according to you but for her it is progress and she still has her head high with dignity and pride. My first job came at 17 and so forth and so on and right now, I’m starting my MSc in Software Engineering at the age of 22, by 27 I will be a Dr cum Prof...  Before you speak for every woman, think. Before you speak and it is interpreted that all Kikuyu women are like you, debate and before you write in a wholesome interpretation of the African woman, soul search. Not all of us are as ‘ambitious’ as you. Not all of us lie waiting for the ultimate beast of a man who smells of a bank safe. Not all of us think that Subaru and Mark drivers are strugglers. First, let me bring you to the knowledge that Subaru and Mark Drivers are in their pro teens, can you imagine where they will be by their early and mid-30s? Yes they will be the German Machine fathers. (there goes my illusionist intuition again) and wait, do you think they will marry you, you who criticized them as they were making their way up the ladder, you who called them strugglers just because they only smelled of bank notes and not the safe itself? Hell no. You honey, will be alone with 27cats as you will be in your late 30s or wait, luck may have it and you’ll be someone’s clande…you never know.

And about your children, who said it is a man’s sole responsibility to cater to their needs? So your children will not eat before your so called man sneezes? You really want to borrow money for menopausal symptom drugs from a man? Wow your standards be low.

Honey, we get it, I get it. We are all entitled to our opinion and this is mine. Before you write a general article on goldigging and its benefits to you and your folklore, please think of the implications and general overview it will have on we African Women, we who have been installed morals in our original 1.0 software, we who are God-fearing and believe in being humble and hardworking, we who are taught by our fathers that independence brings respect and is sexy as hell, we who work our brains and asses off to make a better future for us and our futures.

In the meantime as you date the Mark X and Mark II riffraff’s according to your Chronicles, think of what you’ll do when your Mr. Moneybags doesn’t appear. Think of what you’ll do when he does come but years down the line something backfires and you have to cut down on the thrice a year vacations….Think Think Think

Blessings and Love,

Proud African Woman who dates Strugglers,

Nyandia Gachago

To every strong soul... You can never handle it all. Even we need a crutch every once in a while...

You know what,

I am tired from and of being strong all the time. I am tired of being strong for my family, for my friends. I am tired of trying to keep me from falling apart, and others as well. I am tired of holding it all in all the time. I am tired of being the psychological and emotional pillar in my relationships.... Yes, I am tired. I think it's about time someone gave me a hand so I can reboot.

See the problem with being strong, is that no one ever asks if you're okay. No one ever asks how you are, really. It's time that I stop pretending that I have it all together. I am tired and it scares me but it's about time I allow myself to be scared, about time I allowed the waterworks to come through. About time I got ready to move on. All the weight has worn me and my back needs a rub. Thing is, I still don't know who will give me this rub... But we'll see, I know something or someone will have to give.

I write today's blog to all the pillars out there, to all those people who were and still are made out of steel, to all who are support systems for others, to all who have held it together or atleast made it seem like they have it all together. I write this to you. Because I am one of you...I am you. Being strong is among the hardest responsibilities, often beginning from the youngest of age and as a woman it's a whole new world record. 

Let the tears flow... It really is ok. Even Kings and Queens do cry. Even the most powerful machine does need a reboot, even the cobler needs a new pair every once in a while. So just know that somewhere, someone is here, relating to what and who you are and letting you know that it's ok to feel weak at times. It's ok to accept support and help...

 Every once in a while, everyone needs a crutch.

Love and support,

Nyandia.

HABITS THAT SELL WOMEN SHORT

It’s a cold Morning in Africa. Cold season of the Long rains (April through July)…enough with the weather forecasting, lets deal with women; yes, the Eve Clan. You want to know why he has never asked you out? Or even worse, he asked you out but never asked you or talked to you again? Or why he will never talk of ‘us’ though you two do everything that people in relationships do; well almost everything. It is frustrating when you meet the man of your dreams and he is the entire package but will not have much, if anything to do with you.

A few reasons why this could be so…

1. YOURE A LOUD MONSTER

I know I know!! But truth is some guys really just into this. Some just want a calm warm soul for happiness, relaxation and love. When first time a guy approaches you and you’re loud mouthed, it can work either with/for or against you. Assess situations first before bursting into loud blab, ok?

2. HAIR

Oh yes!! The guys I happen to know who are settled with their better halves, always opted for a natural woman. See the raw beauty? Yes! Now I am not condemning the weave version of hair but how you maintain it, speaks volumes. I actually never knew that weaves smell until thousands of guys told me so…whoever thought men had a sense of smell!! Two weeks should be the legal maximum for anyone to have a weave. Also with the natural hair, treat it well, Dandruff is a turn off to everyone including your salonist.

3. TANTRUM THROWERS

NOBODY likes this. Leave this to children. Always making a mountain off a molehill, where do some of the members of my clan get this strength from? My goodness it is so exhausting. Teach yourself the habit of patience; throwing tantrums at work, at home, at the supermarket over the minor of issues? Really? You need a shrink. To me, this causes fast ageing, wrinkles and the ultimate dose of bitterness and I cannot afford to have these things in my life. Ever!

4. PARTY FREAK

I have never understood these people who go out literally every weekend (weekends start on Thursdays). Isn’t it unhealthy?  And super exhausting and expensive? Oh wait, girls who are into this habit do not buy their own drinks or pay or their own cabs smh and you expect a decent guy to land from heaven right into your thighs right? You Cheat yourself.

5. POOR CLUB HABITS

Yaas!! You guessed that right. The twerknerds. This is quite disturbing to most people including your fellow members of the Eve clan. Twerk in the house if you must. But going into a club and rubbing your behind on some random total stranger? Goodness! It is disrespect even to yourself and among the highest forms of indiscipline. No serious man wants this.

6. DRINKS TANK

Heheheh we all know someone who can down an entire bottle of vodka and just get hyper. Worse and sad is if it’s a girl. First date in a club scene or a restaurant with a bar and the dude has to literally carry you home; you’re lucky if he will not take advantage of you. But rarely will the same guy want to have something serious with you. Tone it down a bit for your own sake and your futures’ as well.

7. TOO EASY TO GET INTO BED

This is pretty self-explanatory yeah?  Most guys separate women into camps of ‘One Night Stands’ and ‘Girlfriend Material.’  And though it’s not necessarily fair, those ladies who are quick to bed sometimes end up in the former. It’s simple as that.

8. BEING BOSSY

Men compare this mostly to being bitchy. Men love being in control and knowing that they’ve got this. Don’t take this away from them worst while on the first date. Wound a man’s ego and expect him to ever call you again or pick your call? Don’t be weird; Hold my purse, Call that waiter, Ask for the bill, etc. Just don’t.

9. YOU CRITIQUED HIM

On the first date?! You must really love cuddling your cat at night. Let the poor bloke be. He is probably testing you as well. Learn to differentiate between flirtful teasing and being plaid mean. Throwing snide comments about his chewing or his dressing worse even, his choice of venue or food? Don’t do that. Learn to give the benefit of the doubt knowing that people different and so are their preferences.

10. YOU NEVER SHOWED INTEREST

Now I am saying you should jump in the sack with him ASAP or scream out how much you love him a day later, but if he took it a notch high and asked you out and put it out there that he likes you, the least you could do is show interest. Just the right amount. Women sometimes, we entrap our own selves and the results hurt as hell, all in the name of pride or being traditional or something weird like that.

So, next time that hottie asks you out; be modest, be simple, watch your tone and your words. Be the best version of you and with time that will be you. Keep in mind though that these aren’t always the reasons he never asked you out…he may have his own weird reasons and issues as well. Blog for another day, soon right?

Love and Kisses,

Your fellow Eve clan member,

Nyandia.

HABITS THAT SELL GUYS SHORT…PART 2

Two Days ago, I blogged about habits that sell guys short. The response was amazing with people throwing in contributions via social media so...here we are, aluta continua.

6. BRAGGARDS

Guys, EVERYBODY hates a braggard especially the grown women. You see, you may be able to impress some of these high school minded campus girls on what you own or even worse, what your Dad owns but truth is, NOBODY cares. Women like men who put their money where their mouth is and show something for it. Having dated one of these sad beings, be sure that Men nay boys who brag about material, have NOTHING at all…they are just small wounded boys on the inside with very low or no self-esteem and look for alternative ways to rub their own egos often these ways are just an illusion created by the mind.

7. DIRTY UNKEMPT MEN

Oh Lawd!! Ok, if you want to live like a creature, please go get a cave. We are tired of cleaning you up or the idea that it’s your right to have a woman clean up after you. See, this makes us not even trust you like, if you cannot take care of your own darn self, how can you take care of us? It is not attractive when you have weird hair and saggy jeans that’s torn at the bottom as a result of you dragging the jeans all over town for months and I don’t mean ripped jeans. A clean man is the most attractive thing, trust me it is a pure turn on. Ask any girl what they think of a man who smells good… and your Bachelor Dens should also be a reflection of this. We do not expect you to be super sparkling clean or OCD neat freaks but being tidy is super simple and takes up very little time.

8. CLINGY

This goes both ways trust me. If we wanted someone or something that was always with us, we already have our handbags and clutch purses. It’s good to breathe, it healthy to actually. Have your YOU time either by yourself or with your boys and let me have my ME time by myself or with my friends. I always insist, partners shouldn’t be burdened with being someone’s all…they should just be an element cum complement of someone, the beautiful. Absence makes the heart grow fond after all, but doesn’t mean you should spend hours without checking in ok?

9. PHONE BUFFON

If on the first date you seem always edgy when your phone rings or receives a message alert AND/OR always keep looking at your phone, reading and replying messages, I definitely will never want to meet you again. Poor people skills man!

10. OBSESSIVE 

Oh yes believe me or not, there are so many men who are super obsessed with themselves. If you always hog the conversation just so you can be heard or always talk about yourself; how you do this, how if it were you, how your workmates love you, how your exes fell at a loss when you dumped them, how good looking you are, get the flow? You’re doomed.

Glad it helped!! *wink

Kisses, Nyandia

HABITS THAT SELL GUYS SHORT…

Hello Beautiful people…this past weekend, I learnt a thing or two on several things that sell you members of the Adam Clan short to women you really want but never get and keep on wondering why. So, due to my love for you and speaking from a mature woman’s point of view ill list down but a few of habits or things to completely quit.

     1.      Social Media

First and foremost, I don’t get why you’re social media friends with your partners…I honestly don’t. God knows a slight misunderstanding or misinterpretation on a comment or something of the sort can break a home. Also, you need to realize that each of you has their own lives before you met and will continue to have one after each other. Respect is paramount here. In depth:

a.      Photos- Nobody wants to consider a serious relationship or even hook up with someone whose photos still include their exes. We get it, everyone has a past but that doesn’t entail me having to be reminded of it every time.

b.      Also if weekend after weekend you’re posting photos of you and some random (or not) girls twerking all over you and you taking sambuka shots off their bodies, think twice…Nobody wants that.  

c.       Soppy updates as a guy, dude! Why not get a tampon while at it LQTM ok sorry but seriously, its social media. Your personal life should be yours.

d.      AND posting photos of your after clubbing bill, come on man!! Why not send a nude, a photocopy of your tax returns and your result slips as well so she can see all the ways you’re going to disappoint her.

     2.      Asking for nudes

The minute you hit send to that text ‘Send me a pic *wink*’, every ounce of respect she may have had for you, goes out of the window. Yup best believe that.

     3.      Borrowing Money from her

Until you’ve quite established the relationship and you are both at that point where you are comfortable discussing finances and budget with each other, don’t you ever do this. It is a pure and simple turn off.

     4.      Insisting on Sleep-overs at her place

I get the once in a while ‘we went out, got drunk, had a good time and ended up in her place’ thing. What I don’t get is popping up uninvited to her place and refusing to leave while feasting on everything and anything her fridge holds hostage. That is the saddest thing ever as a guy you can do.

     5.      Pushing on the sex date

I once met a guy who kept insisting that we needed to have sex so I could make him feel like a man. This was after probably thrice meeting. That was so retracting that I couldn’t even hug or look at him after that. If it happens on the first date, well and good; on the tenth date, still well and good. Most of the best things in life are not to be rushed in order to avoid unnecessary regrets and wasted emotions. Keep Calm.

Hope it helps. Next time you want that girl, go through the list and remind yourself on what to not do…

Beautiful day

Love,

Nyandia.

To all those who Never Fit In

Primary school had never been easy.
This is the time when bullying was so bad and things were terrible at home for me with my parents, finances and what not. Mean girls are everywhere people: in all ages, classes, villages, towns and cities. It doesn't matter whether you went to a county development funds funded school or to an Academy or even to a Group of schools, mean girls were/are everywhere. And where mean girls are, prey lies as well. Normally prey to these girls were girls who were from poor backgrounds, girls who couldn't afford the preferred level cum class of life, girls who were either prettier or much smarter than them or the total opposite, girls who had responsibilities, girls like me. The fact that I was rarely ever seen at the school canteen buying a 5Ksh snack of Mandazi , made me never fit in. The fact that when every once in a while they could go buy special samosa/sausage chips and I couldn't, I didn't fit in. Now weird thing is, these bunch of six or seven were also smart but I always passed more then 3/4 of them but we all fell in the top ten range. I landed at 2,3,4,5 almost each time. Weirder things is, a good number of them were not even from wealthy families, they just had a dislike for me. What I believe is I had a spirit of rejection... I suffered at the hands of some close family members, some teachers, most schoolmates. I remember in 5th grade walking into class and finding my desk engraved with insults such as 'Motherfucker, Bitch, Broke, Fuck You'  I remember when I got reported to the teachers that I must have been stealing money from somewhere for the previous day they had seen me buy a 5Ksh Mandazi from the canteen. I also remember several times going to recieve a prize for being among the top 3 overall and dragging a worn shoe whose sole was coming off to the assembly front. I remember scoring top marks in my KCPE . Life is fair girls and boys, Life has its own way of payback. Call it Karma or whatever but God always has your back.

High school wasn't easier either... Naturally, i was born loud and social and at the age of 12 I really didn't know how to filter my mouth lol as i mean, I was still growing up. The bullying wasn't as bad as it was in primary school but still it hurt to the core. My Mother and I were literally on no talk terms due to her deep family scars and she had turned to taking it out on me. I hated going home, I had no real friends until much later in high school, my first visiting aka family day at high school, nobody came and so many others that followed. So I learnt to cherish the few when anyone showed up. I learnt to appreciate the little I had and the little I got for it was much better than none. This way, I slowly learnt to love. I was deeply wounded and scarred but I was learning to heal... Or so I thought.

Campus came up. I never fit in. I was never comfortable being with a group and/or going out to events or for road trips. I fit back at my home campus where we were all weird and came from the same setting but when I moved to Nairobi... I kept to myself. I only went to campus when need be... Despite the fact that I was the University Beauty Queen, I chose to be alone. I thought it would help but nope it didn't. I had to face my demons, head on and fight them... I had to win this and start healing scars that were 2 decades old. It was time.

So I went home, and breathed fire and rain and expressed all I'd ever gone through to my folks. I literally told them how messed up I was, in relationships both personal and social. I faced the demon. And came back from hell a victor. It had taken 22 years but i finally did it. My Dad called that evening, and through baited breath, he expressed how sorry he was... For the fights between he and Mom, for the time he was never there, for my Mom as well. And I was at peace. God worked through that mess and made a Victor off a Victim. A message came from the mess that was me and my life.

It's much easier now... Where I work, I am the youngest. I often get those weird  looks since it is an amazing and we'll paying job from the older people who feel like I am undeserving but it never bothers me. This time, I look at the issue or the person and whisper to myself as Elijah did 'Let them talk, God will hear them and bless me for it as he has always done'

So, it may take time but know this, without pressure and intense heat, we would not have diamonds and we all know a thing or two about the beauty and cost and hard structure nature of the rock right?

Love and Kisses,
Nyandia