Primary school had never been easy.
This is the time when bullying was so bad and things were terrible at home for me with my parents, finances and what not. Mean girls are everywhere people: in all ages, classes, villages, towns and cities. It doesn't matter whether you went to a county development funds funded school or to an Academy or even to a Group of schools, mean girls were/are everywhere. And where mean girls are, prey lies as well. Normally prey to these girls were girls who were from poor backgrounds, girls who couldn't afford the preferred level cum class of life, girls who were either prettier or much smarter than them or the total opposite, girls who had responsibilities, girls like me. The fact that I was rarely ever seen at the school canteen buying a 5Ksh snack of Mandazi , made me never fit in. The fact that when every once in a while they could go buy special samosa/sausage chips and I couldn't, I didn't fit in. Now weird thing is, these bunch of six or seven were also smart but I always passed more then 3/4 of them but we all fell in the top ten range. I landed at 2,3,4,5 almost each time. Weirder things is, a good number of them were not even from wealthy families, they just had a dislike for me. What I believe is I had a spirit of rejection... I suffered at the hands of some close family members, some teachers, most schoolmates. I remember in 5th grade walking into class and finding my desk engraved with insults such as 'Motherfucker, Bitch, Broke, Fuck You' I remember when I got reported to the teachers that I must have been stealing money from somewhere for the previous day they had seen me buy a 5Ksh Mandazi from the canteen. I also remember several times going to recieve a prize for being among the top 3 overall and dragging a worn shoe whose sole was coming off to the assembly front. I remember scoring top marks in my KCPE . Life is fair girls and boys, Life has its own way of payback. Call it Karma or whatever but God always has your back.
This is the time when bullying was so bad and things were terrible at home for me with my parents, finances and what not. Mean girls are everywhere people: in all ages, classes, villages, towns and cities. It doesn't matter whether you went to a county development funds funded school or to an Academy or even to a Group of schools, mean girls were/are everywhere. And where mean girls are, prey lies as well. Normally prey to these girls were girls who were from poor backgrounds, girls who couldn't afford the preferred level cum class of life, girls who were either prettier or much smarter than them or the total opposite, girls who had responsibilities, girls like me. The fact that I was rarely ever seen at the school canteen buying a 5Ksh snack of Mandazi , made me never fit in. The fact that when every once in a while they could go buy special samosa/sausage chips and I couldn't, I didn't fit in. Now weird thing is, these bunch of six or seven were also smart but I always passed more then 3/4 of them but we all fell in the top ten range. I landed at 2,3,4,5 almost each time. Weirder things is, a good number of them were not even from wealthy families, they just had a dislike for me. What I believe is I had a spirit of rejection... I suffered at the hands of some close family members, some teachers, most schoolmates. I remember in 5th grade walking into class and finding my desk engraved with insults such as 'Motherfucker, Bitch, Broke, Fuck You' I remember when I got reported to the teachers that I must have been stealing money from somewhere for the previous day they had seen me buy a 5Ksh Mandazi from the canteen. I also remember several times going to recieve a prize for being among the top 3 overall and dragging a worn shoe whose sole was coming off to the assembly front. I remember scoring top marks in my KCPE . Life is fair girls and boys, Life has its own way of payback. Call it Karma or whatever but God always has your back.
High school wasn't easier either... Naturally, i was born loud and social and at the age of 12 I really didn't know how to filter my mouth lol as i mean, I was still growing up. The bullying wasn't as bad as it was in primary school but still it hurt to the core. My Mother and I were literally on no talk terms due to her deep family scars and she had turned to taking it out on me. I hated going home, I had no real friends until much later in high school, my first visiting aka family day at high school, nobody came and so many others that followed. So I learnt to cherish the few when anyone showed up. I learnt to appreciate the little I had and the little I got for it was much better than none. This way, I slowly learnt to love. I was deeply wounded and scarred but I was learning to heal... Or so I thought.
Campus came up. I never fit in. I was never comfortable being with a group and/or going out to events or for road trips. I fit back at my home campus where we were all weird and came from the same setting but when I moved to Nairobi... I kept to myself. I only went to campus when need be... Despite the fact that I was the University Beauty Queen, I chose to be alone. I thought it would help but nope it didn't. I had to face my demons, head on and fight them... I had to win this and start healing scars that were 2 decades old. It was time.
So I went home, and breathed fire and rain and expressed all I'd ever gone through to my folks. I literally told them how messed up I was, in relationships both personal and social. I faced the demon. And came back from hell a victor. It had taken 22 years but i finally did it. My Dad called that evening, and through baited breath, he expressed how sorry he was... For the fights between he and Mom, for the time he was never there, for my Mom as well. And I was at peace. God worked through that mess and made a Victor off a Victim. A message came from the mess that was me and my life.
It's much easier now... Where I work, I am the youngest. I often get those weird looks since it is an amazing and we'll paying job from the older people who feel like I am undeserving but it never bothers me. This time, I look at the issue or the person and whisper to myself as Elijah did 'Let them talk, God will hear them and bless me for it as he has always done'
So, it may take time but know this, without pressure and intense heat, we would not have diamonds and we all know a thing or two about the beauty and cost and hard structure nature of the rock right?
Love and Kisses,
Nyandia
Nyandia
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