Of Javs, A Drunk, A Greasly accident and A HORNY Fishmonger

So this was an interesting day and especially the evening part. I went to work then to hospital and was diagnosed with UCTD which i really am not going to get into details about today though I got a tonne of meds lol then had the first process of a root canal and then went to the salon till around 9:30 p.m in the night.
I really wanted to cook as it takes my mind off too much thought but literally every supermarket was closed within vicinity at that hour smh

So I got into a jav heading home. 200 meters into the journey we found quite a crowd of boda boda (motorcycle taxis) along the highway and they were preventing one of their own's body from being multi wrecked by a moving vehicles as it is a speedy highway. Yes...There was a body sprawled on the road, lying in an inhuman body position with eyes wide open...One of their own had been hit and run and left for dead. Now, such things really make me quite sad and I took a few to pray for his family and his soul as we passed the greasly scene. R.I.P

I happened to be seated next to a tipsy 2 - seconds to crazy high man who for some reason really wanted to engage. He offered to pay my transport but I didn't let him and so that he didn't think I was being rude and proud and also to take away the image of what I'd just seen, I engaged back. He kept asking and insisting to know if I was going for the political rally taking place today in Nairobi and I persistently said no. Mind you we were at this time on fifth base of the friendship and were engaging in Mother tongue. I do not on any level concern myself much with politics. I instead choose to believe that God blesses the work of one's own hands and he also blessed those who bless others and curse those who curse. When I recall what happened in my country back in 2007/2008 and the people and children who ended up dead due to post election violence...I always shudder at the thought of politics. Personally I pray for my country and for wisdom and righteousness of my leaders. Yes, that to me is as far as it goes.  The talk with the drunk late 30s man soon shifted to my home town and it's people Lol basically I enjoyed it. That intensely deep video on YouTube called 'Look Up from Your Phone' really made sense last evening.

I soon alighted and there's a garage at the close to home petrol station so definately there are food and fishmongers. There's this particular one whose place is always full though it's a tiny smoky shack but you can always hear her engaging people in talk. Yesterday's talk from what I heard as i passed there was her requesting a threesome from one of the garage boys insisting his wife should be included. SMH whatever she was cooking yesterday was definately more than fish and seemed to have a delirious effect on Madame FishMonger. I walked away quickly mouth open with a smile and shocked lol

I got home, had a snack so as to take my meds and with the bae flying out at 6 in the morning, he picked me up and we went for dinner at the Best Western till around 2 a.m (yes i can see you judging my eating abilities which must never be undermined) where I decided to further the expedition and do my home shopping at a mall. Yup at 3.a.m lol I basically slept at almost 5 in the morning and guess what, Bae missed his flight. Oh well...

Blessings and Love,

Nyandia.

DON’T LOOSE YOUR STAR PLAYER WHILE ENTERTAINING YOUR FANS

Le Madam is back to work!! Ola my good people! Sick leave for four days yeah, fatigue, exhaustion, etc. etc. etc. . . . I did go to hospital by the way in case you’re wondering but guess what, I missed my doctor by minutes and had to see a GP who could not do much for me but put me on a six tablet dosage of painkillers until tomorrow when I get to see my doc. Mmmhmm tough luck huh?

So, yesterday got me in an argument about the meaning of the above statement and its application among other things. Basically, I found myself in a trance wondering if the person I am dating actually cares enough to worry about losing me. Oh, well I guess the fact that I already I’m wondering does say a lot huh? Enough about me and lets release the kraken on this title.

Now, my beloved good people…this title applies in literally every situation in your life. Let’s break it down:

1. FAMILY

Let’s keep in mind that relatives are chosen for you but family, family you get to choose. Don’t take family for granted, they’re not always going to be there I mean, people do grow old and die. I read an article on regrets people have while on their death beds and I can assure you that none ever has a regret on anything material and the number one regret is always, “I never spent or dedicated enough time to family” with that said, I actually am going home next week to see my folks for the first time this year. Family is God sent and they’re your star player. Honestly, work and other things should be fans when put face to face with family. Don’t sacrifice the making of new memories and revisiting of old ones with family on the altar of a profession.

     2. FRIENDS

By this I mean family who you aren’t of one blood. Real friends basically and trust me in life you probably have less than four of these probably just one or two. The minute you walk away or become too busy for those who would literally take a bullet for you just because you got a new job, have expanded your circle of cooler, richer and much more professional people, honey you are losing your star player. Don’t forget who was there for you and who has always been there for you especially in your lows. Don’t forget and neglect your stars. Don't loose them.

    3.THOSE WE NEED

This encompasses of our love life’s. Many a times we always find ourselves in the middle of 'one you want vs. one you need' drama. That attractive bootyliscious and heavily endowed diva of a woman aka a bitch may be the one you just want to tap at that moment but wait, is it worth you loosing that one lady who is loyal to you and would do just about anything for you? Why loose the man/woman of your life for the hoe of the night? That man may be driving a hell of a ride and showers you with presents but you know deep down he doesn’t give much thought when it comes to you and even though he does, judging from the past, he has always neglected your emotional needs always prioritizing his physical ones yet there is that one guy who you’ve friend zoned for thee longest time, whom you go to for advice on boys and go to cry on and curse at when you get played. Please note that one day, sooner than you think, they will move one. You will loose your star player while entertaining your fans. Trust me, you’re not the only one who spots a jewel and someone sooner or later or already has spotted that diamond you always pick a rock over.

Never take anything for granted for nothing lasts forever. Those people who do good by you and strive each day to do this, those who bend over and beyond for your happiness, those who have nothing but the best for you at heart, they will go one day in one way or the other. Be Wise and choose your star player. Quit entertaining your fans.

Love and Kisses,

Nyandia.

A Very Interesting Night

So yesterday was an interesting day for me. I woke up not feeling well and I honestly hadn't slept as i was tossing and turning the while night with fever and swollen hands. Bae left early morning to go do some stuff and all and when he called me at around ten to open the gate downstairs, I just opened my kitchen balcony door and asked him to catch the keys as i wasn't feeling so good. Guess what, the keys landed on the first floor balcony as it hit someone's laundry line. Haa now the hilarious part is the owner of the house is a Pastor and yesterday was a Sunday and he definately had already left with his family for service. AND to top it all up, I'd already locked my main door padlock so basically I was literally trapped in my own house until 4 p.m hilarious huh?

At around 11 p.m I am sitting quietly in my living room watching the comedy Modern Family as I'd just taken my meds and they were taking quite the holiday to kick in when I heard shouting outside. My house is on the 3rd floor and on the 2nd floor pavement there was some sort of strife happening. All I could hear was a man asking his wife who she was texting and why she was drunk. The woman opened her door I'm assuming and stood outside and started hurling insults at the guy I guess to humiliate him. The guy asked over and over and she started screaming and shouting how useless he was and blah blah blah. OMG in a split second, there was a blood curdling scream and we jetted out of our houses to see what was up. Literally every apartment around ours went alive suddenly and people were on their balconies....my goodness the guy must've had it cause he kicked the woman to the floor and was bashing her from all sides. Kicks and Fists were flying and you could hear the impact they had on her body as she was on her knees, hands covering her head as she screamt for help.

OMGOODNESS can you imagine at almost midnight such a scene taking place? It was like a movie...Now the guy is of a heavy build and the woman is curvaceous but I swear if I was the one being beaten, i would've probably passed out with the first blow. All I could do was shout for him to leave her alone as my neighbours were all on their pavements and he must've heard me as he stopped and soon two men from his floor went to calm him down. So apparently the lady was drunk and had texted her boyfriend asking him to come for her and by mistake the text went to her husband!! The nerve of some women. And to think they have a child who was in the house as the drama unfolded. I couldn't help but wonder what is becoming of the Clan of Eve. Back to the action, the guy had tears in his eyes but he was keeping it together being a man and all I guess and he kept asking how dare she and she would know he is a man just like the others. This seemed like those scenes where a guy sacrifices all and works his ass off for some woman who literally doesn't appreciate his effort. The guy posed the questions to me and I was like 'just leave her alone, it's not worth it blah' he'd just reached his breaking point as from what he was saying was that she had been upto mischief for a while now. He actually asked her to pack and get out of his life oh btw the audience was still on. The woman for some reason was insisting on justifying her actions and kept on insulting him and trust me, the guy could have killed her were he not being held back by two men. Everyone was asking the woman to humble herself, shut up and take her crap outside. Oh this was quite an adrenaline rush moment. I have never seen anything quite like it and it scared me shit less.  I imagined the kind of emotional and mental scarring this would do to their child,  I imagined the kind of scarring it did to the man who would take years to regain trust in a woman.  I imagined the kind of image that remained in the neighbours children who saw this sort of thing and till now, I am still replaying the scandal in my head.

Truth is, I honestly remember every time my parents have had a fight,  I remember every insult that any of them have ever hurled at the other, I remember my brother and i swearing to never marry for to us it was an institution made in hell. I remember it all.
I remember the many people, psychologists and spiritual leaders who have had to talk to me to get my bad attitude towards marriage out, I cannit count the people who have tried telling me that the fact that I haven't seen a good marriage doesn't mean there aren't matches made in heaven. I remember one time at around 6 years of age when my parents separated how I'd prayed to God for them to leave each other so as to stop taunting us, the children.
All in all parents, whether single of married, please remember that actions have consequences and the consequences befall your children most of the time. Think before you act. After all, if you're not happy...just leave.

Nyandia.

No more a third wheel fix...

Hey guys,

Remember my first post about my third wheel fix? Uh huh. Gues what? She figugred it out. Between the man she wanted and the man she needed...guess who she chose? NONE. Yup you heard me right. Seems that she listened after all. See, im the type of person who believes in personal independence and development nefore bringing someone else in the picture. Ofcourse she does miss the sexy handsome beast who was the man she wanted...like we were out watching the Arsenal-Hull City game with friends the previous weekend and on her first drink, she was already contemplating calling him and with no time she did and thank God his phone was off phew!! Loneliness does creep in especially if you move out but nothing good doesnt take a while to form. Remember, without pressure and intense heat....we wouldn't make diamonds.

Now for such situations, no girl ever imagines them happening but  somehow the drama always finds you especially if you seem to have your priorities misplaced. Sometimes I am really saddened when I hear girls talking like when they see another girl driving and instead of being like, "God give me such a car"  they go like, "God give me a man who will buy me such a car" Such moments make me want to pull my hair off right from the roots. Personally the way im brought up is that Women are capable of achievement almost just as men. I also know that women who strive to be equal to men, lack ambition. I got my first job when I probably was like 14 or something like that. In high school, sometimes I found myself doing odd jobs for those rich kids just so I could try also buying something from the canteen as my folks couldnt really afford it. And as weird and shady and poor as I may have seemed and looked at the time, I still got money out of it. Whether it was doing an assignment for someone, doing a punishment for them or sometimes laundry...I somehow got through.

Most girls about 70%, live in the shadows of their female friends and boyfriends. These are the "friends" who always tag along for lunch but never pay, tag along when youre going to chill and insist on having what you're having but never pay. These are the people who literally dont know the pain of paying your own rent, paying fees for yourself etc and hence dont know the sweetness of the fruits. Some of these girls actually do get lucky and get a guy who takes them in, provides transport,  pays rent, does shopping and all that but what I know for a fact is that such guys rarely respect their women...I have seen it with so many people.
Good people,  independence is expensive and requires continuous hard work BUT the pleasures you enjoy from it, amazing. Ask me, I would know. The fact that I can walk into Vila Rosa and order anything I want and swipe the bill...you have no idea the kind of satisfaction it gives me. And you know what, God gives you what you deserve.  If you're a hardworker, God gives you your match. If youre lazy and only believe in handouts, well you will get the same. Life is very fair in its own way boys and girls.

So as you start a new week, work your ass off. Make your buck, and when you wake up...give thanks for everything. Such tiny habits, take one a long way. Keep the faith and fight a good fight...God will never let you be put to shame. I pray that all my girls reading this, place themselves where they know they fit and do what is necessary after all, Hard work never goes unpaid.

Blessings and Love,

Nyandia.

A tough,tough 22nd day of March

I sit at my desk for the first time in like almost four hours. See, being in ICT in a huge organization is quite the task, worse if you happen to have a medical condition that gives no signs of an attack until it does. By 10 in the morning I was already tired from moving up and down the stairs. This weekend, my body shut down and gave me hell and till now it seems I haven’t recovered. Oh Boy! I literally feel like crying and tears are forming in my eyes...oh shit, be back in a few

…ok, I am composed now atleast a bit. Basically Lupus is an ass. The fatigue, the joint pain and inflammation, the bone pain, the feet swelling probably due to the meds I have taken over the years affecting my kidney, the memory loss, oh lets talk about that. Picture coming to town from home to do something specific at a specific building and then head back home. Picture getting to town, alighting and going into the CBD and all of a sudden you have no idea where you are, have no idea the location you are going to and probably have no idea where you came from, just like that. Welcome to my life at times lol. Also, picture walking into an engineering exam room to sit for your finals and when the paper is put infront of you, your brain shuts down and you go blank, even your registration number, you have to check and confirm from the Student I.D

I hate this. I hate being sick. Ugh nobody should ever have to go through this. NOBODY deserves this, even your worst enemy. I can literally feel my feet, my hands, my head, my back fail me, yeah I can literally feel the pain creeping in, I feel  the heat and pain and swelling getting to my knees, ankles, elbows and fingers...i feel it all. Crying does help by the way. Just like a baby, it puts you to sleep and for a few hours, you forget it all.

And as from 3 weeks ago, I have been having these night terrors. Trust me, they aren’t fun at all. Imagine waking up frightened, sweating, shaking from your heart nearly popping from your chest and you have no idea why. Literally every night. Sometimes I ask bae to come around, just so I can lie on his chest and sleep, knowing that there is someone around helps and through I may get panic attacks, they wont be as bad and there will be someone to calm me down and tell me that everything is fine. This is something I haven’t been able to get my head around as of why it happens…sometimes even my doctors are confused. Yup I have like 4 doctors, all specialists and every two weeks I find myself in the halls of the Karen Hospital.

In 2 weeks, I face a panel of doctors from all over courtesy of my Uncle who is a doctor. They find my case pretty interesting as no one really understands it yet and they will take samples here and samples there and try work this jargon. I can only hope for the best, I can only pray for the best. I actually stopped praying for my healing, I know its sad but its true. 4 years down the line, all I can ask God is for his will to be done. He says that his plans for us are not to harm us but to give us hope and assure a future. This is his will and I so wait for it. Until then, I will hang on. Don’t get me wrong though, I believe in healing, I’ve seen my Mom’s chronic asthma disappear. She’d not even sip cold water or a soda and now, she can even crush ice if she wanted because she can.

Dear reader, from me to you, take a minute and thank God for your health. I on the other hand do know the battle is God’s and I know it will not be over until God says it is finished. Ahhhh felt good letting it all out here. Now I can get back to work.

Blessings and Love,

Nyandia.

LEARN TO BE HAPPY WHEN ALONE…

Boys and girls, in most cases both sexes tend to place the responsibility of their happiness on each other. First, nobody can give you happiness or teach you how to be happy. It must come from within. Second, a relationship filled with love but no respect is nonsense and you both need to grow up. Thirdly, this may sound very hypocritical coming from me but there is a reason God insisted on sex being in marriage only…think about it. Without sleeping with someone, we wouldn’t be as attached as we become to our partners hence leaving a toxic relationship would be much much easier. Without sleeping with someone, there would be no shame or tacky comments when you’re mad at each other. Without sleeping with someone, you would have every right to insist to your children on the importance of sex being in a marriage relationship and you would have yourselves as an example.

Everyone needs to be single for like a year or more in their lives so they can live fully and meet all sorts of people, discover themselves and learn how to be happy when alone before bringing someone else in the picture. Hundreds of millions of people have never been single. These people have no idea whatsoever on how to be alone and how to love themselves. Women in this group hardly do what they want without consult or approval by a male figure. They also have no idea on personal discipline and responsibility and have no idea on how awesome it is to buy your own furniture or fridge or food even. These people boys and girls, are the heavy souls who have to rely on their partners for literally everything including things that only God can give. These people are your parents, your siblings, your relatives, yourselves. These people hunger for much more than their partners can provide. At one time God will just lock his arms and let your partner who is your ‘god’ do everything.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all other things will follow applies to everyone and every situation possible.  Loved ones, love yourselves first because if you don’t who will? If you do not know yourself and haven’t discovered yourself, why burden your partner to discover you? Why exhaust your partner emotionally, physically, mentally and psychologically? Be your own first Love.

Love and Kisses,

Nyandia.

BOYS AND GIRLS, “Don't call anyone a devil because within you, you can experience hell and the devil, the devil is nothing, but you!”

Now, Guys Guys Guys where so I start when it comes to talking about this clan of Adam. Picture a scene which happens every day to millions of girls in the world. Boy meets Girl, Boy gets attracted to girl, girl isn’t interested and turns him down, boy badmouths girl to his friends insisting she is a loose, pot headed ugly girl. More than once, this has happened to me. I personally happen to be the very choosy ones and decided to chase and build my career before settling (Bae, I love you please don’t be mad) Many a times I also remember the very same bad mouthing boy coming back and begging most of the time in tears to take me out even just for fifteen minutes. This one time, guys who knew they had no chance with me told one of my very good friends that if he was sleeping with me as they were thinking, that he should use 2 condoms. Uh huh Boys can be so cruel sometimes even worse than girls. Scene 2: boy meets girl, boy convinces girl to date him and swears on his life that he would live each day to make her happy, boy gets clingy and obsessed soon after he is paranoid and hurls insults at her whenever he sees her talking to anyone of the opposite sex. Girl dumps boy and gets away, boy for months sends insulting messages to the girl even ten at a time for close to a year calling her all manner of names and cursing her. Happened to me btw.

Onto the girls…I am shaking my head as I type this. Members of the clan of Eve are known for bitterness among other thousands of positive things hehehe picture Scene1: Girl sees boy, boy doesn’t notice her and instead notices her friend. Girl asks her friend to keep away from boy as she has been told that he is a player. Scene 2: boy meets girl, boy and girl fall for each other, boy and girl are in an intimate relationship, sooner or later they break up for many reasons like they may not be right for each other, boy walks away and continues with his life while girl is busy spreading news of how he is 4 inches long, kisses like a fish and grunts like a pig when having sex. Girl may also happen to fall under the psycho character in which she lies she is pregnant to get the guy back.

Rumor and slander are pipes, blown by surmises, jealousies, conjectures. It is irresponsible, immature and ungodly. It is hurtful and painful to the object. Before talking, think first. Think about what you will say, how it affects you or the person, ask yourself if talking about someone adds any value to your life or lengthens your days. Take a minute and think of the other person’s feelings. Personally, I do not give a hoot for rumors. Been there done that and with time you either choose to let it affect you, infect you or let it slide. There is something that Joel Osteen talks about “The No-Stick anointing” you know of those expensive culinary pans which no food sticks on? Uh huh now relate it to a person. I have the no-stick anointing. Nothing anyone says or does sticks to me. I am too busy building my future and achieving my dreams at 22 years old. When I want to vent, when someone has done something really hurtful…I go down on my knees and cry to God when it is too much and when I need a shoulder to lean on, I call my bae and let it all out. These methods really do it for me. Try writing as well...it calms one down.
In the bible, Elijah and Elisha were walking and as you know, Elijah was bald and people would make fun of him while even pointing at him. It got to Elisha and he asked Elijah if he could go and shut them up. You know what Elijah said, “Let them talk. God will hear them and bless me for it” People wrong others forgetting that the same demon you create will also hunt you down. Remember, he who lives by the sword shall die of the same? Uh huh apply it here as well.
More than once I have fallen sick and had dark days at the places I’ve worked due to the Lupus. More than once I have had workmates tell my seniors that I am lazy and fake illness i have been fired from two jobs because of limitations caused by lupus. Oh if only they could spend a day in my shoes, they would trip. My attitude to situations is: Let them talk, God will hear them and bless me for it.
Boys and Girls, my lecture is over. Watch what you talk and respond only when necessary as words can seal your fate. People go through stuff and life just as you do. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you and above all, it doesn’t pain to be godly. Let people be. And to you who happens to be a victim of talk, have a no-stick anointing...words don’t stick unless you let them. The sooner you realize that you hold all the cards, the happier you will be. People make mistakes and it’s only bad if they don’t learn from them. And above all, Let them talk, God will hear them and bless you for it.
Love and Kisses,
Nyandia.

About time you put rest to your demons...as I have done with mine.

Everyone has a past...I do too. I always admit to being deeply flawed but I choose to run at Jesus' feet and seek sanctification and forgiveness. The sooner you let go of your past, the sooner you will stop giving the devil ideas on what to use against you. Face your past with courage and crush it with current actions of betterment. Remember, Christ takes it on the cross with him when we ask him. All the burden, All the pain , All the tears, All the regret....everything to God in prayer.
Personally,  I do not consider something a mistake if I learnt something from it. I consider it a lesson learnt the hard and best way possible..A lesson learnt through experience. I wish everyone could adapt to this belief..i wish you would all believe in lessons rather than mistakes when it is the case....because then, the devil would have no ways to get back at any of us.
In more than one cases, I've had a friend dating a man who they gave their all to only to discover much later that the man was married. The same actually happened to me but I got a grip of it and I got myself out of the situation. I remember every time I told myself I had to get out of it, the devil kept reminding me that the deed was already done, that the sin was already committed, that I was in too deep already and stopping now was senseless. I was dirty, filthy and trash in my own eyes. I'd never imagined myself, smart as i believed i was,being caught up in such a situation. Oh love, the evil one doesn't give a shit about how smart you think you are. He gives you a reality check that hits you so hard you wake up in a pit. The day I decided to walk away for good...I had prayed about it a lot, I walked away and have never looked back. I walked away from every material luxury known to man and woman especially lol I walked into my freedom both mentally and spiritually. I shed to a new skin. I was basically reborn. Times would be tough I knew, for actions have consequences and I was ready to face mine. With God, I knew I couldn't break, the world wouldn't break me and most certainly, the devil would never break me. This time, I decided to let go of a path formed for me and instead followed a path formed by me. I had to cut the grass on my path, clear the bushes, shrubs and thorns and in doing so, get pricked in the process. But it was definately worth it. I learnt my lesson the hard way but I learnt it either way.
Now the trick is...when you choose to start a fresh, with God being your guidance and your light, you must hit rock bottom aka ground zero for a new beginning. For a new story, the previous has to be erased and a page freshly cleaned so as to be written on...This time permanently by the King. So after this situation, I hit ground zero I was literally and figuratively back in the streets. Not that I'd ever left but you know what i mean. I started my life and retraced my steps from where I'd lost them. I became truthful both to myself and to my God and even to my friends.
The reason I'm writing this publicly is because when i started my blog a few ago, I chose to tell my story...deeply and truthfully for those who may have found themselves in some situations which are relateable to mine. For such people to know that there is hope, for them to know there is forgiveness, for them to never let their pasts or present painful situations define their futures. All this is through God who has seen me through it all. I pray that even if it will touch just one soul not even many, just one....then my work and my story will have been worth the telling.

Blessings and Love,

Nyandia.

#ToughDays

Yesterday happened to be one of those days that my health heads South. The weird thing about Lupus is that one day your giggling, cracking jokes, happy and all jumpy but the next day, you're so down with fatigue, fever, inflammation, pain and dizziness. You literally feel your body betray you and give in to illness. You literally can't do much but cry yourself to sleep or something.
Saturday was an interesting day for me having spent most of it indoors and only leaving in the evening with my long time friends to watch the Arsenal - Hull City match. I was 50-50 about going cause I'd started feeling worn out for no apparent reason after the simplest of tasks. Later at night when in bed, my chest got so heavy and so did my breathing...It was like I was shutting down. Thank God for better halves.
But Yesterday was the first day he has ever seen me at among my lowest points in life health wise despite he and I being close on and off friends for the past 3 years.  At one point, I actually saw tears in his eyes as they filled with sympathy. Poor bae. I actually am writing this in bed on a Monday morning which I am supposed to be at work but I couldn't due to fatigue and a blocked chest...and swollen hands, knees and fingers. Most of the time, the most I can do is wait for it to be over, wait for the pain to go away, wait for my strength to come back, wait for my head to clear up and then get back to loving living life.
There is no way Lupus will determine my future or destiny. My story will not be of a girl who had Lupus..Nope Nada Niet Never...I refuse. I am writing my own future and God is guiding me toward my destiny. I am destined for greatness and pain is kind of a motivator. 
So, dear reader...take a minute and thank God for your health. Believe me when I say, it is the most expensive yet undeserved gift from God to most.

Love, Kisses and Blessings,

Nyandia.

Kenya: God is Not dead.

My heart bleeds for what is happening to and in my country. Worse to the people who are honestly giving up and even worst, to the people who only but point fingers blaming so and so for the insecurity amd increased bombings.
My heart bleeds for my beautiful motherland and her children most of who have and continue to cease praying for her. When they say prayer is the answer, I believe they have been there, done that and know it works. I know it does work. Look around you and tell me you don't atleast see one miracle,  even if it isn't in your life. Look around you and tell me you can't see the hand of God in someone or something other than yourself. When someone writes to me insinuating that God is dead, my heart sinks and I can't help but tear up.

God is not dead.

Please Remember, the teacher is silent during the exam.

Please remember that it is always darkest before dawn.

Please remember that just when you're giving up, it's a few minutes to your miracle.

Please remember that the maker of heaven and earth is the author and finisher of your faith. Remember that HE is the Alpha and the Omega.

Bible in Isaiah says, "For a minute I hid my face from you, but with great love I will gather you" hang on to these words. Bind them around your neck like a garland. May they never depart from you.
That job you have, that child you have, the health you have, the house you're living in, the food you're gonna eat....It is by his grace. It is all a miracle. YOU are a MIRACLE!!
Next time you feel like God has let you down. Please take a minute and reflect. Remember when you lacked fare, remember when you had no food, remember when you were sick, remember when you lacked clothing...Now look at your present. Thank your Maker....you deserve nothing yet he has given you everything.

Types of People in Your Life

The sooner you realize that the only opinion that matters is yours, that day, you’ll have discovered something that very few have…a key ingredient to true Happiness.

Bear in mind that only God’s love is eternal. The people in your life are classified into four quadrants:

1^st 25%

This is a crowd of people who will NEVER EVER like you. It doesn’t matter what you have ever done or never did..they just don’t like the fact that you breathe. These people may or may not even know you, may or may not have ever had a tete’ a tete’ with you, may or may not even have ever said hi to you. I remember once a student came to the office and asked me, “By the way why do you have beef with so and so?” My first response was, “Who in God’s name is that?” Like I swear it hadn’t hit me who that was and even when it did, it was someone who I have never even talked to or said hi to. Sad how one can waste their energies bad mouthing someone who doesn’t even know they exist huh? Yup, Pretty sad.

2^nd 25%

This is a crowd of people who don’t like you but if they knew you or talked to you, would like you. These mostly are people who have only heard hearsay about you, mostly negative and believed it. These are people who may have only met you at your worst and judged you by the moment. These are people who only know what you are and not who you are. These are the people you may work with or school with, your neighbor who just simply cause maybe you don’t pay attention to them, dislike you. These people given a chance to know you, would change their perspective concerning you. These are people who give you the benefit of the doubt though seem to lean on the negative side.

3^rd 25%

This is a crowd of people who do like you but go behind your back to say things about you to others. These are the people who hang on to your every word but when you’re not around their insides turn. These are the people who flatter you but are jealous of you. These are the people who want to be not just like you, they want to be you. The people who befriend every friend of yours and try to make them theirs. You actually know this crowd in your life because when faced with a problem, you’d so much rather ask for help from a total stranger than them because you’re afraid they will preach your issues. This crowd don’t know your deepest darkest secret cause you keep it from them fearing for your personal life. Sadly, most ‘friends’ lie here.

4^th 25%

This is the heaven sent crowd. Your Folks are in this crowd and so are your siblings. Your best friend and confidante lies here as well. Your better half should be here too. This is Family…the people who get you on your feet, the people who are your rock and foundation, the people who pray and intercede for you. The people who don’t sleep when you have a problem. These people aren’t relatives, they are family. Relatives are chosen for you but Family, you choose. This crowd loves you even at your worst and will never tire of helping you. This crowd loves you regardless. This crowd is your guardian angels.

THE LION NEVER LACKS SLEEP DUE TO THE OPINION OF THE SHEEP

In instances more than one, actually in almost every instance of something I’ve wanted to do, there has always been people who tell me that it’s quite tough and that if I fail, I should know they are there for me. Before even I commence on the task, someone already had seen me fail. I always refer to the words of Steve Jobs, ‘Don’t let the noise of others opinions drown the sound of your inner voice’ before and during an expedition be it in fashion, modelling, at the work place, at home, everywhere an opportunity presents itself.

I remember my high school days just before sitting for my finals, we were to select the Universities we saw ourselves getting entry into if we made it to the pass mark. One of the teacher’s I went to consult literally turned me down at every corner, discouraging me because she didn’t see me as University material. At Form One, I remember my Geography teacher walking in and drawing the 6 stick figures, telling me that all I would do after high school was have children out in the streets.

I remember, borrowing shoes for my catwalk as mine had ripped and the heel fallen off and the other ladies looking at me like I was a pauper, I remember lying in bed just a week before the final Miss University competition and one of the contestants asking me to not do it as I was too sick and had added weight due to treatment steroids for the S.L.E.

I remember walking into Aga Khan Hospital for a brain MRI and the doctor’s horrid face when he looked at the results of a swollen pituitary gland which showed I may just have a tumor, I remember crying into my pillow every night for God to take my physical pain away.

BUT THEN,

I also remember chanting one of my Mantra’s, “He was wounded for our afflictions and by his stripes we are healed”, I remember telling myself that I wouldn’t cry anymore because of my health and asked God for his will to be done. I remember winning almost every pageant I participated in despite everything. I remember Graduating from among Kenya’s top private universities, among top of my class. I also remember I don’t have six street children to fend for and feed.

I so much remember my victories each and every one of them in detail and thank God each day. I remember that I don’t need anybody to tell me who I am or what I am because I am who and what I am. I remember that for my victor stories to begin, I had to let go of my victim stories. I also remember deciding never to let the opinion of the sheep ever make me lack sleep for I am a Lion.

DANCING IN THE RAIN

I’ve been trying to think what to blog about today until I switched my Laptop on and the E-Mails and Messages started coming in about the blog. Then I knew, I have to write this for someone somewhere who believes in nothing…LIFE ISNT ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS, IT IS ABOUT DANCING IN THE RAIN

Our lives come to be through seasons. Season of Joy, Season of Pain, Season of Plenty, Season of Lack, Season to seed, Season to Plough, Season to Harvest and so on. Basically I write about my life experiences which trust me, are fully on been there done that…

December 2010, was a season of favor, I won two pageants;at my home town and the other at the University. The Naïve girl from Nyeri who had nothing, emerged the top beating ladies from the most prestigious of homes drowned in designer labels. A day before travelling for the pageant, I boarded a matatu to Nairobi’s Muthurwa market to shop for shoes for the different categories in the competition, I believe I had like 1500 Ksh which I had to make work. My parents didn’t know about what I was doing because I knew they wouldn’t support it. My brother and I made our way to Muthurwa buying anything I thought could work and headed home later in the night.

Come the competition day, we went for coaching on catwalk and when the coach saw how terrible our walks were (2 ladies and I from the same campus) he refused to train us and instead thanked us for bringing the rest to the competition to win. We were embarrassed in front of all the others especially because we came from the smallest campus and were considered the shadiest. That day, I bargained with God. Come night, the shoes I had bought ganged up on me and the heel broke just as I was walking toward the runway. My leggings tore as well and mind you, they were part of an outfit. What else could go wrong? Oh wait, it starts raining, my natural blow-dried hair looked like a wet fluffed mess of something distasteful.

Yet, I owned that catwalk.

Did I mention that as I was performing my talent which is singing, I mispronounced some work aka shrubbed (I blame it on the Mount Kenya Mafia Syndrome) and the Emcee of the night noticed and made jokes? Oh yes he did. But, I was having so much fun, I couldn’t let anyone or anything ruin it for me. By the way, I had no idea what makeup was and whatever I had tried to put around my eyes made me look terrifyingly scared and scary at the same time. Come the final moment, the judges called my name and at first I didn’t hear it until my Classmates came running toward me and it hit me that it was MY name they called. Yes..The shadiest girl had won. The title came with so many things among them the completion of my Bachelors, divine connections and even the job which I do today. (Social Media, ICT and Corporate Communications).

I DANCED IN THE RAIN literally and Figuratively. I had very little, almost nothing but it didn’t kill my morale. I came with among the weirdest outfits but it somehow worked. I came expecting nothing yet hoping for everything and God saw me through. So you see after all, Life really isn’t about waiting for the storms to pass, instead it is about learning to dance in the rain.

Those Stones that people throw at you, pick every damn rock and build a fortress

Lovely people, for some of us to achieve whatever we have achieved be it small or large depending on one, it took the grace of God and to see good things even from the hardest of situations. I’ll share a very personal list of what formed my fortress and continues to:

1. My “Friends” Believe it or not, I probably have less than 5 people I can honestly call friend, reach out to when an issue arises, can talk freely with about anything and everything with. The parasites I have plucked from the hide of my life are in the hundreds. Those that slowly sucked the life out of me leaving me with no ambition, no class, broke, angry and emotionally broken.
2. The cheater and Beater: We all need heartbreak to grow trust me, we all do. It comes with such an immense lesson that no one else can teach. This guy I dated who cheated on me repeatedly leaving me with no self esteem that I couldn’t bear to look at another woman without tears streaming down my cheeks as I felt unlovable and unwanted and worse ugly.
3. The name callers: Being called everything from ugly  to being told I’d turn out a whore  just like a very close family member by the closest person in life saw me sink deep in a pit that I swear, only God removed me from. I refused to let people determine my future despite what they saw in me.
4. The grown up bullies: Some of my Primary and High school teachers are the people who made life unbearable for me. In Grade 5, the class teacher called me to the front of the classroom and begun to ask me questions on what we had and what we didn’t have to prove what a poor family I came from to my classmates, I was 9 years old. In high school, my geography teacher once came to class and drew six stick figures and told me in front of the whole class that after fourth form, I’d immediately give birth one after the other 6 street girls. I laugh at that to date.
5. The Mean Girls: OMG where do I start, from always being chosen the last in a group unless it was educational related cause they knew I was smart to walking to class one morning to find my locker inscribed insults from Bitch to Whore to MotherFucker and the mean girls never got punished. The pupil classmates I had found me to be from such a poor background that one day I went and bought snacks from the canteen and they reported me to the class teacher and the head teacher that I must have been stealing money from somewhere lol.
6. The Lack: In sixth grade, things were so bad as my father was away working in another town. I remember not eating at night and the following morning my Mother giving me 5Ksh and a Banana for the day. There was no transport and I had to everyday be at the stage on time for a public minibus which my Dad’s cousin drove as I wouldn’t be asked to pay. That morning, in tears I told my Mom that that 5Ksh was proof that I would never lack fees.
7. The Odd Jobs: During my third year at campus, I deferred for two semesters so I could work and pay my bills and help out with my school fees. For 90 days I worked at every mall in Nairobi handing fliers and marketing for a Mobile Giant. I had to wear a full football outfit and work tirelessly standing for 12 hours a day at the minimum and the toughest was when I was to work at a mall just directly opposite the campus, EVERYONE saw me including the principal and deputy vice Chancellor, students who knew me from being Miss my University to people who just came to sneer. At times, we had a very bad day when rich folk from the Karen suburbs threw the fliers back at us or barked at us to quit budging them and tore the flier at our faces. LOL, good ol’ days.
8. The S.L.E: A Month into my university beauty queen status, I woke up and couldn’t walk, sit or bend. I had exams that week and I was practically carried to the exam room during which I lost my memory. It can only be God that I wrote whatever I wrote though my G.P.A hit a new low. Day in Day Out every day I was in hospital receiving therapy and was on steroids for my muscles and bones and was on a total of 17 pills a day. I cried everyday due to pain especially during physiotherapy and U.V therapy. For months every day, my joints went through hell as electric current was passed through them, something to do with the veins. I had already moved out of my parent’s house and I was alone. I now knew what the Pastor meant when he insisted on thanking God every day for health because I had completely lost mine.

There are quite more stones that have been thrown at me some extremely personal and maybe through my journey, I’ll come to share. But with every stone, I grew thicker skin than the previous. With every bad day, I saw myself a victor at the end of each such day. And with every bully or bad ‘friend’ I have learnt to really cherish the good ones I have and thank God for each day. For every day I spend in pain due to the S.L.E I thank God that it is not someone else. It taught me to never ask God “Why Me” and instead I look up and say “God you know Why” and for a painless day, oh I live to cherish every second. 

Here I am, blogging from both my tablet and laptop, a soon to be-Master of Science student in Cryptography and Internet security, a Software Engineering and Networking Graduate and a proud immensely blessed and favored 22 year old.

FORGET what you FEEL, REMEMBER what you DESERVE

Many a times we always want to put into consideration other people’s feelings and opinions in our day-to-day life but sometimes. We just got to breathe!

Take for instance this scenario: I won my first pageant at the Age of 19 managing to bag the overall Miss seat in the University. Being the naïve girl I was, I couldn’t tell who real friends were and within days I had spent all my money on people who I thought were part of my life in one way or the other. Whenever I would be going to lunch and/or dinner, they tagged along and disappeared one by one or looked at me whenever the bill was brought.

Being in a small town at the moment made me popular mostly to people who I didn’t know and people who held on to every word of gossip they could hear about me. I remember this one time when my at-the-time boyfriend came to me panting insisting to know the truth about how I used to pass my examinations. You can already imagine what he had been told. I couldn’t have a friend without people questioning the kind of relationship I had with the friend…worse especially if it happened to be a member of The Adam Clan. My good friend who was honestly quite the friend at one time over lunch came and told me that someone had insisted on him putting on not one but two condoms when sleeping with me.

Yup! Been there…at the wagging tongues of older men and women in the society. I actually at one point got summoned by the wife of a very prominent gentleman to her office so she could try scare me insisting that my model friends and I were in the business of sleeping with their husbands. I remember slamming the door behind me like I never had before especially after she mentioned my hospital records. Man!! She was out for Blood.

So, I moved to Nairobi, the Capital, and the center of it all to run away from everyone and everything that held me back and against my parents wishes. I deferred school for two semesters to work in malls handing people fliers, being hissed at, insulted and abused by the high and mighty in the society for the way I looked and the job I was doing. At the same time I was battling an illness that very few people in the world have (S.L.E) as well as paying my bills as my parents could hear none of it. I lived in a hostel which cost me about Ksh 9000 a month but to people back in the village and also around school, I lived in a Ksh 40,000 house paid and maintained by a Minister. LOL

But through all this, I grew thick skin and became arrogant and developed an ego comparable to Trump. I learnt and perfected my hustles and even got my Parents house wired for electricity. I could send something home and in any way my two brothers needed help, I did it. God took care of me and for my faithfulness I found favor before him. So my dear readers, learn to not give a shit sometimes. Walk into The Norfolk and order a 5-course meal and a strawberry mojito cocktail! Buy that dress you’ve wanted for a long time and shoes to match at the Galleria Mall in Karen. Learn to love yourself cause if you don’t, who will?

OFFICE-IAL AFFAIR?

Ever known someone married and from their behavior and talks and what not, you always go like,”Why the Fuck did they Marry?!” cause they just were neither ready nor mature enough to marry irrespective of their age? Uh huh…Welcome to a part of my world.

In comes Exhibit Ninja. Ninja is one of those dudes who believe that once you for the first time in your life manage to convince a very hot female to date you, you should either impregnate her or Put a ring on it so everyone will know she is taken…#teamafisi lol This is basically what I pretty much guess he did and that’s how we are now here where we are.. (I have no clue what that means but it made sense in my mother tongue)

Exhibit Ninja is out for blood at the workplace…MY BLOOD! And he, is the vampire. He is so insistent on knowing if I am dating and always pointing it out in front of the other workmates that I shouldn’t be dating in the excuse that I am too young blah blah blah.. Can you imagine?! The nerve of him! Yesterday found me wearing a ring which to me for the moment is just jewelry… (Enters Jack Bauer voice)

The following takes place between 1:03 p.m. and 1:05 p.m.

Ninja: (in a trance) “GUYS EBU LOOK AT HER, SHE’S ENGAGED!! WHO ENGAGED YOU?!”

My brain: WTF?!!! Sarcasm and rudeness comes naturally within Le’ Familia

Me to Ninja: Please tell me what my life, my genitals or my dating life have to do with you…I’d really want to know.

Ninja’s brain: Daaaaaang girl!! You better walk away Ninja

(Ninja for the first time in his life, Listens to his brain)

Heheheh basically, being the youngest in the office even with over a decade gap to some doesn’t necessarily mean everyone is wiser or anyone can meddle in my business. For the first time in like a year, I stood for my privacy,i stood for my right to actually have something that no one else needs to know about,i stood for ME. 

The END

MY THIRD WHEEL FIX...

I have anxiously been waiting the whole day to post about this LOL So, I have my girl and she is in a fix. I don’t know what to call it so let’s just term it as The Man you Want VS the Man you Need. Yesterday caught me in a fix between to two guys and her. Don’t be quick to judge me, I don’t condone this…here are the details:

Man she Needs: This is the guy who has been there for her and took her in through the toughest of times and has supported her. Problem is, he is not the ambitious big picture type of person and for someone you want to you know, settle down with, that’s like a major problem. Women need the security assurance and insurance when it comes to competition between who is going to wear the pants in the household as well as who will maintain the children better.

Man she Wants: This is the handsome devil who is young and ambitious and enticing in all ways imaginable. On his youth, he has managed to achieve what not so many in this age group have and is quite stable and to top it all, he drives and flies around. But, apart from what I’ve written, no one really knows anything else about him and honestly speaking its terrifying.

My two cents on the issue is: Don’t bite more than you can chew. When you don’t understand what’s happening with your emotions, Pray and Pray hard…God listens. Follow your conscience because it will never lead you astray and also, sometimes thinking with the heart can really land you in issues. Learn to consult the brain as well.