Those Stones that people throw at you, pick every damn rock and build a fortress

Lovely people, for some of us to achieve whatever we have achieved be it small or large depending on one, it took the grace of God and to see good things even from the hardest of situations. I’ll share a very personal list of what formed my fortress and continues to:

1. My “Friends” Believe it or not, I probably have less than 5 people I can honestly call friend, reach out to when an issue arises, can talk freely with about anything and everything with. The parasites I have plucked from the hide of my life are in the hundreds. Those that slowly sucked the life out of me leaving me with no ambition, no class, broke, angry and emotionally broken.
2. The cheater and Beater: We all need heartbreak to grow trust me, we all do. It comes with such an immense lesson that no one else can teach. This guy I dated who cheated on me repeatedly leaving me with no self esteem that I couldn’t bear to look at another woman without tears streaming down my cheeks as I felt unlovable and unwanted and worse ugly.
3. The name callers: Being called everything from ugly  to being told I’d turn out a whore  just like a very close family member by the closest person in life saw me sink deep in a pit that I swear, only God removed me from. I refused to let people determine my future despite what they saw in me.
4. The grown up bullies: Some of my Primary and High school teachers are the people who made life unbearable for me. In Grade 5, the class teacher called me to the front of the classroom and begun to ask me questions on what we had and what we didn’t have to prove what a poor family I came from to my classmates, I was 9 years old. In high school, my geography teacher once came to class and drew six stick figures and told me in front of the whole class that after fourth form, I’d immediately give birth one after the other 6 street girls. I laugh at that to date.
5. The Mean Girls: OMG where do I start, from always being chosen the last in a group unless it was educational related cause they knew I was smart to walking to class one morning to find my locker inscribed insults from Bitch to Whore to MotherFucker and the mean girls never got punished. The pupil classmates I had found me to be from such a poor background that one day I went and bought snacks from the canteen and they reported me to the class teacher and the head teacher that I must have been stealing money from somewhere lol.
6. The Lack: In sixth grade, things were so bad as my father was away working in another town. I remember not eating at night and the following morning my Mother giving me 5Ksh and a Banana for the day. There was no transport and I had to everyday be at the stage on time for a public minibus which my Dad’s cousin drove as I wouldn’t be asked to pay. That morning, in tears I told my Mom that that 5Ksh was proof that I would never lack fees.
7. The Odd Jobs: During my third year at campus, I deferred for two semesters so I could work and pay my bills and help out with my school fees. For 90 days I worked at every mall in Nairobi handing fliers and marketing for a Mobile Giant. I had to wear a full football outfit and work tirelessly standing for 12 hours a day at the minimum and the toughest was when I was to work at a mall just directly opposite the campus, EVERYONE saw me including the principal and deputy vice Chancellor, students who knew me from being Miss my University to people who just came to sneer. At times, we had a very bad day when rich folk from the Karen suburbs threw the fliers back at us or barked at us to quit budging them and tore the flier at our faces. LOL, good ol’ days.
8. The S.L.E: A Month into my university beauty queen status, I woke up and couldn’t walk, sit or bend. I had exams that week and I was practically carried to the exam room during which I lost my memory. It can only be God that I wrote whatever I wrote though my G.P.A hit a new low. Day in Day Out every day I was in hospital receiving therapy and was on steroids for my muscles and bones and was on a total of 17 pills a day. I cried everyday due to pain especially during physiotherapy and U.V therapy. For months every day, my joints went through hell as electric current was passed through them, something to do with the veins. I had already moved out of my parent’s house and I was alone. I now knew what the Pastor meant when he insisted on thanking God every day for health because I had completely lost mine.

There are quite more stones that have been thrown at me some extremely personal and maybe through my journey, I’ll come to share. But with every stone, I grew thicker skin than the previous. With every bad day, I saw myself a victor at the end of each such day. And with every bully or bad ‘friend’ I have learnt to really cherish the good ones I have and thank God for each day. For every day I spend in pain due to the S.L.E I thank God that it is not someone else. It taught me to never ask God “Why Me” and instead I look up and say “God you know Why” and for a painless day, oh I live to cherish every second. 

Here I am, blogging from both my tablet and laptop, a soon to be-Master of Science student in Cryptography and Internet security, a Software Engineering and Networking Graduate and a proud immensely blessed and favored 22 year old.